Anyone feel like high-stakes has rendered you emotionally sterile??

[nevadaJACK]

Something I've been feeling more and more of late. I play high-stakes online, and one of the only reasons I've been able to make it up to this point is the emotional indifference I've developed to winning/losing huge sums of money. I've really had to work hard to be able to learn how to deal with 5-figure swings both up and down and still be able to sleep soundly. If I were to assess where I'm at now using some quantitative metrics, I'd say that I can win/lose around $3K in a session without even batting an eye -- e.g. it doesn't affect my demeanor at all. A $6K - $7K loss is where I start to get a little irritated, e.g. I might be a little more short-tempered with people around me, but they prob wouldn't even notice. $10K-$12K feels pretty crappy, and I'm prob a little more withdrawn overall when it happens. And I'd say in the neighborhood of $15K and up would ruin my day.

Anyway, that's all just background for where I'm at, approximately. What I've started to notice, though, is something I'm not very happy about, and it's that it seems as that general indifference has started to seep into other areas of my life. In the poker domain, that neutrality is beneficial, but I find my range of emotions has been much more muted in OTHER areas too -- my girlfriend complains that I'm not as affectionate as I used to be. My parents commented that I don't seem as "full of life" as they remember I used to be...and just overall, it's just generally hard to get a "rise" out of me these days. It's like I'm on drugs all day long. And I attribute a lot of it to the emotional indifference that I developed in order to deal with the stress of playing high-stakes, and also just an overall malaise in making money without really putting in what most other people would consider a hard day's work. Wondering if anyone else has noticed this too. I used to be much more exciteable and energetic, and I don't like this recent change toward the apathetic.

[Poker Plan]

A really, really intersting topic.

And it's something for us players at the lower end of the scale (and working our way up) to think about.

It doesn't really suprise me though. As you said, you worked hard to numb your emotions when you are playing. Human emotions are meant to be natural- they were never really designed for being precisely controlled or ultimately "over ridden". All I can suggest is that you will consciously have to work as hard to express your emotions as you have done to suppress them.

I have thought about this paradox many times myself. Although I only play at the smallest of limits- I realised from the outset that the numbing of the emotions was central to long term success. I've often wondered what the long term implications of this would be. I think people shouldn't underestimate the significance of what their doing when they choose to "reprogramme" their mental "operating system"

[dankhank]

a) it is almost required that you shut down your emotions and overall grasp on reality while you are playing high stakes poker.
b) objective, logical type people are the ones who are likely to succeed at poker, it is self-selecting, if you did something else you would probably be [censored] up in the same way, and asking, "why does activity X make me so [censored] up and give me this removed type personality?"
c) if you do it for a living then lets face it poker is exciting in a certain sort of way, it is possible that other situations in life don't foster the same chemical excitement level.
d) whereas other jobs and hobbies put you in contact with increasingly larger aspects of the world, poker is this really narrow focus and it makes you more boring and knowledgeable only about a small sector of things.

[godofgamblers]

I play much smaller than you, have swings about 1k, but I still enjoy a lot of things that dont have much value. I get joy from winning a bball game, a beer pong game, or a $20 bet on the Colts. I'm happy when the dining hall has mashed potatoes. I don't understand how you can get less passionate with your girlfriend due to poker. This is a silly excuse. Poker is just a means to earn and make money, you need to detach yourself from the value of MONEY in poker, not detach yourself from emotions in the real world. You might want to stop for a while and find your passions in life back. Money might not be worth it...but then again it might be :P

[WhoIam]

Is it possible you're just depressed and this has nothing to do with poker?

[Eaglesfan1]

I've had the same situation myself. You work hard to keep emotions out of your poker game, then it goes over into your personal life. What you have to do is work to keep business and your personal life separated. When your playing poker your all business and no emotions. But, when poker's done, go back to your normal self and have fun.

Just realize that poker is all business. Everything else should be fun. I'm sure you've seen the movies where the big time business man neglects his family over his work while his wife nags him every day. This is a similar situation. Just separate the two.

[nextgenneo]

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Is it possible you're just depressed and this has everything to do with poker?

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[big e]

To play poker well you have to have the ability to be emotionally detached about money, regardless of the level you play at. I think it was Phil Laak who said if you can’t burn a hundred dollar bill and not care then you shouldn’t be playing poker for a living

What you tend to find is that most people in the outside world is obsessed with money and that 1000 or even a 100 dollar is a big deal to them.

Once you regularly gamble with 1,000’s of dollars losing 1 or 2,000 becomes part of the standard variance you have come to expect, and it becomes harder to empathize with other people who find this a big deal, add to the fact that you’re posting and interacting in this type of forum re-enforces this.

The main thing is to take time out and find other hobbies, interest away from the computer and not just poker. It helps your game as well, and prevents burn-out.

Just remember life away from poker is not –EV.

[Hoi Polloi]

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...Human emotions...were never...designed...

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Therefore your entire post is incoherent.

[revots33]

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and also just an overall malaise in making money without really putting in what most other people would consider a hard day's work.

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Is it possible that you find poker financially rewarding, but emotionally unfulfilling? If so you wouldn't be the first. This feeling of malaise might have to do with a lack of fulfillment from your profession, and it might be spilling over to other areas of your life. Just a thought, gl.