united airlines beat / i hate life

[nath]

Preface: As some of you may have picked up from the hints in previous posts, i am single again. (Obviously when I labeled that post "brag" what i meant was "variance". It's the perfect BBV relationship-- high variance, high reward, taking the occasional shot, riding a hot streak for a while which inevitably ends and leaves me emotionally busto.)

So having been dumped last night, I made it a tequila night. Several margaritas, a couple shots, and then just some straight-up take the bottle out the freezer and start sippin' tequila, i conk out around 3 am. the good news is that this got me to bed early enough to wake up for my noon flight. the bad news is that the resulting hangover also saw me hit the snooze button five times. whoops! i was already packed, but even my maddest rush couldn't get me to my flight in time. and i'm already bummed out from the previous night, so this is just piling it on.

but fine. bumped to 4:20, and now i know where the construction is on my route, so the drive is easy. i make that flight no problem, but, guess what? i get to the gate and they tell me that since i'm wearing jeans, i don't meet the dress code for first class, so i have to sit in the main cabin. WTF? i've never heard of this before. couldn't you have told me BEFORE i showed up to the airport? before i paid $300 extra for first class? i actually asked the guy "are you serious?" yes, yes, he is. what a load of [censored]. i'm going to demand some money back for that one.
the actual flight is not so bad, because the plane is pretty empty and united offers lots of leg room. unfortunately, the turbulence IS pretty bad. so to do my best to slip through it, i order a drink... except they can't break a $100, so no chivas for me! instead, i pop some tramadol and read most of my brother's book until i start to conk out. i get to dulles, get dinner and a drink, head to board my flight. should be smooth sailing from here on out. since i was waitlisted after being bumped, i ask the guy if there's a seat for me. he starts to check on it, then takes ten minutes to ask me which flight i'm taking, at which point he informs me that i'm at the wrong gate. i go to the right gate, and guess what? united stops boarding ten minutes before the scheduled departure time! screwed again! hey, how about MENTIONING THAT BEFOREHAND?

so i find the customer service desk. i need to be in syracuse in the morning, so my sister and i can drive to new york city for new years. nothing doing; no flights tonight. oh, but we'll put you on the 8:30 in the morning. and get you a discounted hotel. good luck with your luggage, which DID make it successfully to the flight. hope it's still there in twelve hours!

my sister and i are supposed to drive to new york city tomorrow for thanksgiving, so i won't even get to go by the house. we'll be leaving pretty much straight from the airport. no rest for the weary.

so i am writing this from the hyatt in dulles. i should have been in syracuse almost eight hours ago, chilling at my sister's house, relaxing, playing with my nieces, taking it easy, going to bars, hitting on college girls. instead, i'm here with no clean clothes, no toiletries, drinking wine by myself trying to pretend i'm not totally miserable.


cliffs notes:

beat: my life the last 24 hours
brag: none
variance: we'll all be dead soon enough