Oktoberfest (Fort Hays State Homecoming) - Trip Report

[bd8802]

Cliff Notes: Lots of drinking. Survived.

Wednesday - Roll into Hays around 9PM. Smith and I make a trek to Taco Shop, the Mecca of bland taco food. We love it. At Taco Shop we see Tom Schenk. He looked rough. Keep in mind this is the former youth sports coach that wanted us to dump Gatorade on him after we won some unimportant silly game. I think it was baseball. For those that are interested, he was not carrying around a bottle of Gatorade that night.

Thursday - Fort Hays Alumni Golf Tournament starts at 9AM with registration and a greasy breakfast. The first kegs arrive around 10:30AM. I filled up on my cheap beer and tomato juice. The tomato juice is important because I knew that I would be severely depleted on vitamins and minerals later in the week. Beer count is at least 18 for 18 holes. Afterwards, a Bombay Sapphire and Tonic that went down way to fast, so I changed to a neat McClellan 16. BTW, the golf was fun. I made a couple new friends on the golf course.

I stopped by the house to say hello to my family. My mom complains that I need to shave. I informed her that I did not bring my razor. She finds one. I take a shower and attempt to shave. I think I did an OK job under the circumstances, but I did nick myself a number of time. It was alright, I was drunk enough that I knew I was on the physically unable to perform list that night. And this was only like around 6PM.

The next stop is Gella's. Smith and I find SPray and a few other people. I order a beer that I swear was a freaking Mikes Hard Lemonade. It was awful. I drank it. I then proceed to drink a few other beers there. They have an appetizer that is Ted's Buffalo Wings. I asked to meet Ted. Ted was not around. I think the waitress was being less than honest to me. I also think she was scared, offended, and/or uninterested in me. I couldn't drink any more beer like this. So the next stop is the Rail.

$4 pitchers! I love Hays. Smith and I start mowing down pitcher after pitcher. We run into lots of people that we knew from high school. One of those run ins turns into the most interesting part of the entire weekend. There is a new Amway like Direct, Multi-Level Marketing scam going around Hays. We run into the ringleader, and since one of his flunkies knows both of us, he tries to sell us hard. This is about the time that I am running out of gas. So I just try to disappear into my booth. Smith is still coherent, and asks every question that busts their direct marketing theories. It was fun to watch. Smith gives these [censored] his number, and hilarity ensued as they did not leave him alone all weekend.

I then see the Jolly Boys. We are a group of aging drunkards that live for this weekend. It is not as pathetic as it sounds. They are all great guys, we just all have a weakness for cheap bears, and cheaper girls. The good thing is that in Hays there is a plethora of both. Hops informs me that I was drunker than he has ever seen me, and he has seen me drunk many many times. So, job well done BD! I promise to be at the park tomorrow on time. I think there was a bet on if I would make it. I needed a red bull. Smith and I walked to the Sip and Spin. It sucked. We left.

Walked home. Watched My Cousin Vinnie. Ate a cheese sammich and leftover meatloaf. Passed the [censored] out around 3AM. 15 hours of drinking. Nice. Friday - Oktoberfest! The Mayor of Hays taps the first keg at 11AM. I think Smith and I made it there around 11:15AM. Not bad, assuming that we had to walk and stopped to talk to some friends at White Chocolate. Get harassed by the [censored] cop that gave me my only ticket in Hays while getting my band.

Officer Fuckstick: "You shaved your goatee"
BD: "Yeah."
OF: "So, did you finally finish school and decide to get a job."
BD: "Can I please have my band, I didn't come home to get harassed by cops until I got drunk first"

I walk to our stop in the park and see Jimmy. He gives me my Jolly Boy 2006 Oktoberfest shirt. I wear it like a badge of honor. Begin drinking. Here is what happens at Oktoberfest. You drink. You eat German food. You stand on our hill and [censored] with fellow Jolly Boys, other that wish they were as cool as the Jolly Boys come up and talk to us, Hops hides from Beiker because of some lingering man crush. When you get nice and lubricated with Coors Light, you walk around the park to talk to people you would normally ignore. They tell you what they are doing. You instantly forget you saw them. You try to be nice to the girls that have gained lots of weight since you saw them last. More than likely, you do not succeed. You drink more.

After the park Smith, Lindsey and some of her friends and I walk to Taco Shop. We were loud, stupid, insulting, and probably killed the innocence of two younger chicks that sat next to us. Jill, one of Lindsey's friends, showed us her ass because she claims she has an enlarged tailbone. Jill has a boyfriend. That is too bad.

I walk home. I fall asleep for an hour. I wake up, take a shower, thank god I did not need to shave. Mom drops me off at the Golden Q. SPray and his brothers are there. I drink pitchers of beer with them. Others come and go. I drink at the Q until around 1:30. When I got a call that a friend is going to the ER. I pay up my tab, and go to find them. Luckily they are still rounding up people, so I catch a ride with them. Walking to the HMC would not have been fun, but I was ready to do it.

Our friend is fine.

Sitting in that waiting room reminded me that I have the best friends in the world. We packed 8 people into a extended cab pickup truck, others where already there, and more came later. In all, there were at least 10 people there waiting in the ER for our fallen comrade. It kinda shakes me up thinking about it right now.

Sometime after finding out that our friend was going to be alright, and in between us brainstorming how to work in "head trauma" into our shirts next year and talking the ER nurse to find My Little Pony bandages for our friend when he was released, is when I realized that my best friends were all [censored], and I love them all.

Home at 4:30AM.

Saturday - Wake at 9:30AM. Watch CU lose. Go to the Q to let everyone give me hell. Funniest quote: "You better stock up on all that CU stuff. I bet it is cheap as [censored] right now". Thanks Chaf. Hang out at some friends house for a while, drive around Hays with them. Eat at Jalisco’s, drink a couple pitchers of margaritas. Eat too much food. Watch KU almost beat NU. Pass the [censored] out.

Sunday - Eat with the parents at Gellas. They are out of calamari, cheese dip, potatoes, and french fries. WTF! See a couple Jolly Boys. They look like warmed over [censored]. I hope they made it home alright. I leave town. I'll do it again next year.

/bd
"I bet midgets make good ninjas"

[tuq]

bd,

I enjoyed the story, it was like "St. Elmo's Fire" meets "Dazed and Confused". Maybe it's drawing crickets because most trip report responses are about how much it sucked. So take the silence as a compliment.

[toddw8]

My analysis:

The Good -

Eating at Taco Shop once (for nostalgia purposes)
Going to the Brass Rail
Visiting White Chocolate
Going to The Q
Finding a ride to the hospital instead of walking
Not going to the homecoming football game

The Bad -

Eating at Taco Shop a second time
Ordering the lemonade beer at Gella's (Oatmeal Stout FTW)
Setting foot inside the Sip 'n Spin
Four days in Hays with no Al's Chickenette, shame on you

Overall -

Nice report, summed up Oktoberfest nicely. I'm glad I wasn't there.