Pizza Box trip report-I hope highly entertaining

[miami32]

Hey guys this a pretty funny story from my college days. My first decent try at creative writing. I figured it was funny and since people post stuff about breakfast, I could post this. Tell me what you think.



Pizza Box Story
Category: Parties and Nightlife


Each and everyday that goes by I miss my college days. So many good times, so many good stories. While I have done a ton of exciting things since then, the stories just don't compare. So once again, I return to college memory lane....

A couple years back I used to have a best friend by the name of Joe Cap. Joe was the best. He had many talents, one of which was the ability to out drink every single person on the face of this earth. In his prime, he was a machine. The amazing thing about Joe, asides for the fact that he could consume more booze then a drain was the fact that he had a solid 4.0 through out college. Every day of his college life he was either hammered with me or his Pike fraternity brothers and then the next day he would just get up and go to class. God bless him.

Let me set the scene. It was late April. University of Maryland classes were winding down. On this particular April night, it was one of Joe's fraternity brothers birthday, we will call him Tom. In his usual fashion, Joe invited me along. I of course accepted.

The plan was at 10 PM Pike and company would meet up with Tom @ Cornerstone after he got back from eating dinner with his parents. The plan went well and we met up with Tom. Apperently his family took him out to a nice place to eat because Tom was dressed to the T in a nice shirt, dress slacks, and sports jacket. Imagine the college version of Ron Burgandy.

Fastforward to the end of the night.

Joe, Tom, and I are standing outside of Cornerstone. So I'm looking around to check out the fine young ladies standing outside and I realize Joe's boy is pissing himself, right out in the open. You could see his pants slowly getting more wet. Now remember folks, these are not jeans, these are nice dress slacks, and he is urinating on them. I smack Joe to get his attention and show him.

"Tom, what the [censored] are you doing? You're pissing yourself!"

"Yep......It looks like I am."

Now understand, while Tom may have consumed massive quanities of alochol, along the lines of 21 shots or so, that is still by no means reason enough to pee yourself in the middle of college avenue sorrounded by many a fine women and friends.

So Joe grabbed me and we headed back to Pike.

Now, maybe that wasn't a good friend thing to do, but honestly folks, when you reach the age of 21 and up you by no means should be around or associated with anyone who pees themself unless they are wearing diapers, and rest assured Tom wasn't wearing diapers.

So at some point Tom decided to make the trek back to Pike. So Tom marched back in his pee stained slacks and sports jacket. At which point when he hit upon fraternity fields he realized he had to go. Now understand that once you hit the field, you are less then 50 yards from any fraternity house. So any normal drunk or sober person could clearly run or walk to the nearest bathroom depending on the circumstance, but not Tom. Tom had to [censored], and he decided at that very moment he had to go. At least at this point he was by himself on the fields. So he scanned fraternity fields. Now understand, before we go any farther that fraternity field is just a plain grass field. There are no hidden areas for anyone to "go." As Tom was scanning the area he realized that he may have to indeed wait untill he got back to the house but then he came across a Papa Johns pizza box. In a matter of seconds, Tom in plain view, took a [censored] in the pizza box. So standing, with his pee stained slack and sports jacket, with his pizza box full of excrement, he made the final 50 yard trek back Pi Kappa Alpha's fraternity house. He walked in the house and went straight up the stairs to Joe Cap's room. He walks in and made a triumphant return to offer up everybody a fresh slice of Papa John's pizza. Now before we go any further, one must understand that to a bunch of young drunk college guys, fresh pizza is sublime. Well food in general to drunk guys is good, but pizza is even better. So imagine our dissapointment and disgust when we discover that is indeed not pizza and the dreaded number two. So Joe looked at his dear friend and fraternity brother Tom and told him to remove this box and to not return to the house until he had dispatched the pizza box full of pooh. So Tom left, with pizza box full of number two in hand.

5 minutes later Tom was sitting outside the Pi Kap house on the porch swing with his pizza box. While swinging, Tom thought over his options. He couldn't just throw away this prized treasure could he? I mean how often do you come across a piece of gold like this? Not often indeed Tom thought. And as if a lightening bolt had struck him the idea hit him. He got up from the swing with his pizza box full of [censored] in hand with purpose and marched across fraternity fields. Tom had an idea.

Ding dong.

We now find our hero Tom outside of the fraternity Zeta Psi. He has just rang their doorbell. It's 4 AM. Now many will ask why on earth one would be doing such things at this time of night, and I'm sure if you asked Tom this very question at that very time, he would have told you that he had a pizza to deliver. After about four door bell rings later a Zeta Psi brother answers the door.

"What's up man?"

So for the next five minutes Tom tells this guy he has a pizza to deliver to this very house and how if he doesn't deliver it he is going to get fired. Now don't forget, Tom is still wearing peestained slacks and a sport coat. So the guy, being the nice guy he was, goes upstairs and trys to find someone who ordered a pizza. Now two minutes later a Zeta Psi brother comes down. I guess he wanted to get a free pizza, and he starts berating Tom about how he ordered a pizza four hours ago and so on. So now Tom, being the nice guys he is, explains that now, he just can't give the pizza away for free, or he will get fired, and that he will a least needs five dollars to hand over the box of pizza delight. So disgruntingly, the Zeta Psi throws five dollars in Tom's face and snatches the pizza box out of his hands and slams the door shut. Tom picked up the five dollars of the ground and without even thinking turned around and walked across the field to his house. In mid march to his house he heard the door slam open from Zeta Psi....

"[censored] YOU PAPA JOHNS."

Cliff notesrunk guy pees himself. Then he poops in a pizza box. He then delivers it to a fraternity house and gets paid 5 bucks for it.

[Iplayragstoo]

very funny story, reminds me of the crazy days of school...been 20 years for me now since I started school, but it was 5 of the best years of my life. Just a quick aside - Put your cliff notes at the bottom of the story, or else its a complete spolier. [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

[miami32]

done and done

[Andrew Karpinski]

I loved the ending.

[tubasteve]

I go to UMD, this story is that much funnier for me b/c I can picture all of this like its a movie.

[miami32]

Nice I finished at umd two years ago. God I miss college.