Inspiring Commentary For Anyone Doubting Their Game or Losing Control

I recently wrote to a friend I confide in very much basically describing to him a general lack of control I have been experiencing in my poker game lately. For some reason, I had been coming across problems I had never really battled before: consistent tilting after bad beats, taking shots at 50/100 when I am only rolled to play 10/20, playing Layne Flack heads-up 10/20 NL at Full Tilt (this was very close to rock bottom).

I was really confused. For two years, I had always had fairly solid mental control over my game. I understood proper bankroll management and variance that was inherent in poker. Further, I understood that these "bad beats" that were now tilting me were the very reason I was able to profit over the past 2-3 years. Not only were they a natural part of the game, but they were in fact a requirement in order to have and maintain an edge.

I wrote an e-mail to this friend, describing my situation, asking him if he could potentially "coach" me and offer some advice to get my game back on track. Here is what he wrote in return:

Hey Rob,

(note: This is a very long reply, but it has good stuff in it)

I would be happy to be a coaching figure for you. I'm actually honored that you would ask me for help. More than anything, I would do this as a friend rather than as a poker player, if that makes sense. I think based on my past poker playing experience I can help you work through the management of certain issues, especially pertaining to steaming and playing too emotionally. I've been there with poker and horse racing and it's like a demon you can't control. It took all my will power to drop gambling because it was trying to overcome that demon that grabs hold and essentially erases your value of money.

Because I've been out of the game for so long, and to be honest, I haven't felt inclined to play again, I might not be able to add great technical poker insight. But that doesn't seem to be what you're asking. And since I probably won't play again for awhile, I doubt I'll be able to contribute much in that way down the road. But, I still remember the fundamentals of my game and how to win in poker, and in that way I can be helpful.

However, what I think I can help with is assisting you in the management of your poker game - steam control, playing tighter, money management, choosing the right limits, etc. In other words, your overall approach to poker. Rob, I think what I've seen recently is that you have overextended yourself due to your rapid ascent in limits and great success. However, it's easy at 50/100 limit to lose so much of that hard-earned money. The most difficult part as a poker player is recognizing that choosing the right limits is half the battle. I could never do that, and that's why I ultimately failed. I quickly beat the 5/10 kill game at Foxwoods even though I was playing 2/4 the day before; I became convinced of my success without understanding that poker is about swings. It was too hard to drop down in class; fortunately, you have accepted the importance of moving down in limits.

You have had outstanding success and it's been fabulous to watch, but you're at a point now where you have outpaced even yourself (if that makes sense). It's really dangerous and an incorrect strategy to move up in limits to win your money back [after a losing session]. That is something you really can't do any more. We are both very emotional gamblers and that really can be one's downfall. It's great you have recognized it, but now you must stay true to that.

There are a few things I think, as a coach, you should focus on:

1) Don't set a limit or target on how much money you want to make (saying you want to be up to 15k, for example). That only causes you, consciously or subconsciously, to make incorrect decisions. If you're it in for the long haul, you should be thinking years out from now, not weeks or months. The money will come to you, but you need to be patient. It's only dangerous to push the envelope.

2) You should focus on tightening up more for the sake of regrouping. I noticed last night that you check-raised a lot on a bluff hoping a guy would lay the hand down [while playing 50/100]. I often got sucked into bluffing in limit online - it rarely works - especially when it only takes 1 more bet to call. Those shorthanded games naturally draw looser players, so you need to tighten up to combat that. It's much tougher to outplay people online, and I get the impression that you have been relying too much on doing this. I think that it's an extension of trying to make a lot of money in a short period of time.

3) Don't feel forced to play at any time. Poker is supposed to be fun. It cannot be all about the money or then it becomes too tedious. If you're not in the right state of mind, just don't play that day.

4) Related to the last point, pick up other hobbies outside of poker. Get back into watching movies. Or find some great books to read. Once you have other options outside poker, you won't feel pressured to always play, especially when you're tired or frustrated after work. This will allow you not to feel obliged to play when you're not in the right mindset. It will also help you be refreshed when you return to the table. To get my mind off gambling, I started reading again, watching movies, investing in the stock market, reading the newspaper every day. Stuff like that. You are a bright, witty, well-rounded person with a great education, and it would be a shame if you allowed poker to consume your other hobbies, interests, and passions in life.

5) The steam control factor is huge. You start pressing the issue and have difficulty stopping. It's very tough to just quit after losing. But you have to set a limit and stick with it. I know you're strong enough to do that. The Professor says 60 BB. At this stage, it might be better if you set it at 45 BB. Some days you'll win and others you'll lose. If you're losing, I know it's tough, but force your hand to close the window and then walk over and pour yourself a Johnnie Walker and watch a movie. There's always tomorrow.

6) If you are getting too emotional or steaming when you are playing, you need a check on those emotions. So here's what you can do: Call me to remind you to quit. I don't care what time is it. I stay up late anyway. But I would sleep well, in fact, knowing that you shut it down for the night and remained composed. Just call me and say what's up, we'll chat for a bit, and then you'll have your mind off poker.

Well this is rather long, but I've been there, and as a friend I want to see you succeed in poker, but more than that, in all your life's ventures. We have become too caught up sometimes in certain things that obscure the larger view, to keep things in perspective, and to remember where we want to be and what we want to achieve throughout life. That's why I write in a journal. It keeps me sane and focused on my goals in life.

Outside poker, you seem to be dealing with some stress. It's certainly tough for you to be traveling so much and to be away from your girlfriend and your friends. Maybe your work isn't exactly everything you expected or are looking for at this stage in your life. But I can say rather confidently that poker, while I know you're very good at it, is not the answer. You will do well in poker because you have the talent and drive and that's something that you should capitalize on. But you may want to consider taking on other hobbies too, whether it be writing, getting back to film, taking up an instrument, exercising, playing sports again. It has to be tough with your long hours, I understand that, and the few off days you have you probably want to fit in as much as you can. But rather than play poker when you get off work, try working out to clear your mind. Or consider what other careers you might tackle down the road if you don't envision yourself remaining in your line of woek for many more years.

Take care man,

Ryan