Random useless stripper/gay bar trip report
this is probably gonna be tl:dr so there will be cliffnotes at the bottom
So a friend and I are reminicing about funny things that we've done in the past and this funny story came up. This was probably about 4 years ago, back when I was working landscaping between university sessions. One of the guys I worked with had the nickname Kelso, because he was almost exactly like the guy from that 70's show, just a bit more stupid. after work one day Kelso tells us we should all go to the strippers. another guy from work doesn't really want to but Kelso keeps badgering him until he says yes and I bring a friend along. We end up at the strippers for about 45 minutes, and the girls are either really hot and useless dancers or hog beasts who can do things to a pole I though impossible. up in edmonton we rednecks throw loonies (CDN 1 dollar coins) at strippers since we have no singles and they encourage you to throw it at them. I remember hitting one square in the [censored] making a really loud sickning wet noise (sex crime high five!) At this point Kelso starts bitching that strippers are boring and he wants to meet his friends at a place called buddies. we hadn't been there long but I didn't want to hear him keep whining so we end up going. at the door to buddies the bouncer is dressed like the cowboy from the village people and tells us to "have a good time boys". really should have been a tip off that this wasn't a normal club. soon as we get in I notice that there are a bunch of almost naked guys dancing on stage and like 4 chicks in the room that is crowded with guys. I stay at the door and laugh as I watch my buddies realize this is a gay bar, not that there is anything wrong with that. I didn't feel the urge to have some beefy guy plow my ass, so I'm ready to just leave kelso here with his "friends". we all make it to the car before we even see him and are about to drive off when he managed to make it to the car with 2 cracked out clearly underage girls. one is a 5, the other somewhere between 2 and what she vomited in the car on the way to the party we were headed to next. Kelso tells us it's gonna be an awesome party, and we should thank him for the hookup. right. we get to the door and this really fat chick lets us in, but we can't hear any noise inside. all over the place there are stickey notes saying "do not touch or I'll kill you!" and "don't break!". we get upstairs to the main floor of the "party" and all but 1 person is passed out. it's just after midnight, and no-one looks over 16. awesome. I'm done for the night and since I have the keys to the car, that means it's time to go. I tell Kelso he can't come, he has to find his own way back. he's trying to pick up the 5 he brough back from the gay bar so he ignores me and we get the [censored] out of dodge.
cliff notes: I hit a stripper with a loonie in the [censored], a village person thinks I'm gay, and I don't end up raping a passed out minor. I found out later Kelso gets blueballed. Justice, thy name is a frigid minor.
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01-06-2007, 12:27 PM
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