Trip Report: Heather Graham making out with a chick

[suzzer99]

(skip to paragraph 6 if all you want is the makeout)

Ok, Dids has asked for a detailed post on this. So if I'm gonna take the time to write it up, I figure it deserves to not be buried in the claim to fame thread. This is probably my second greatest star sighting/contact. It happened a little while back, but let's just leave the time loose and pretend it was last Saturday. I think temporal proximity helps the titilation process.

In my early days in LA I had a tendency to party in Hollywood a lot. I think this is pretty standard, then people usually get boring and stick to their little corner. I had met a dude, who at the time supposedly was buddies with a few young e-list celebs and club kids, at an after-hours speakeasy on Crenshaw called Doobies (mega-trip report for another time).

Typical SOP is we'd call him up if we were bored with where we were at, see where he was, and decide if we wanted to try to get in or not. (As time went on and he lost his production assistant job - more typical was to just show up at his apartment at 2am with coke, as he was never oging out anymore). But on this on this particular Sat. night, he was at After Dark, which was one of the clubs of the moment. Not sure what AD is now. So my friend Amber and I show up pretty wasted, rolling on e, at midnight, and somehow talk our way in.

For anyone who's never seen an LA club mob/line, it's pretty ugly. There is no line. Pretty much everyone jostles for position, try to get the hot girls in your group to start begging. Unless you're famous or a club kid of course, then you just come strolling up behind the mob, and the shrill bitch with the clipboard motions for everyone to part the mob so that "Omar" the 24 year old "agent" that no one's ever heard of can slither past with 3 painfully gorgeous thong showing bimbos. Or Bill Maher, who is (was) ompnipresent at these things, usually with some chick 6 inches taller than him. Or a $20 per person usually works too, except at Sky Bar or The Standard (or whatever version of those is going now). But somehow we hit A.D. after most of the mob had given up or what I don't know. But the line wasn't there and we sort of jedi-mind-tricked our way in. Amber is fairly hot, with much cleavage, so I'm sure that helped. Also being all f-ed can really help in these situations.

But anyway, I digress. So we're in After Dark and I think I recognize this dude at the bar in a Yankees cap. But he looks kind of pudgy-faced. A little later on I'm standing with my friend, and I recognize Heather Graham standing about 6 feet away from us against the wall. I say to my friend "Oh [censored], that's Heather Graham." He says, yeah, her and Leo are hooking up. The funny thing is with this dude I know exactly that he means Leo DiCaprio when he says "Leo". So at first I think he means they're dating or something. Then I realize the dude standing next to her, that I had seen earlier, was him. Pretty cool. And out of respect for Dids I will no longer use his name in this story.

So that was fun. We go to another room for a while and I go to get a drink. I walk past where Heather was standing, and I see that she's making out with someone. Hmmm. I look a little closer, and it's a short girl. Oh hell yeah. This is getting good. Remember I'm REALLY digging this in my "enhanced" state. Not that I wouldn't be digging it anyway. So I kind of circle around a little, I'm about 4 feet away at this point. The are really going at it, very tender, Heather is cupping the girl's face. The girl is a good 3-4 inches shorter than Heather and wearing a dumpy-looking white t-shirt. In my mind, I'm trying to think of why this is happening. And in my altered state, I just start to assume that some little mousey gay/bi fan walked up to Heather and asked to make out. Like maybe with some backstory or gushings about how it would "make her life" etc. etc. So naturally, Heather, being the ultimate sweetheart that she is, acquiesced. And here we were. That is honestly what I thought was going on. The person who's name I cannot speak looked somewhat annoyed at the whole affair.

(I know everyone's gonna say "too much blather, we want to hear about the kissing!". But really, it's two girls making out. You all know what that looks like. Not sure what other details I can give you. Visualize, go crazy with it. Rent Boogie Nights and rub one out.)

So finally after a few minutes Heather comes up for air, the girl backs up, and I see that its... Drew Barrymore! OMFG. I felt like I was standing on the grassy knoll when Kennedy just got shot. If it was possible for someone's head to explode on ecstacy, from purely visual/situational stimuli, it would have happened to me right then. So take heart club kiddies, your heads will probably be explosion free on e. So I run back into the other room to get my friends. I'm stammering and f-ed up, so it's kind of like Lassie trying to communicate that there's trouble down at the mill. Finally they come in the room, but no kissing. However, Heather and Drew were kind enough to put on a couple of repeat performances that my friends got to see.

So that was some commotion. Eventually their whole crew went to leave, along with some kid my friend knew. He was so jealous. I think his whole goal in life was to somehow get attached to a celeb hangout crew. Too bad he pretty much lost his mind before that could happen. Nice guy though. So I happened to be standing right by the door when they were on their way out (not planned I promise). I had to say something. So I said "Drew". She stopped and looked up at me, with this nice but cautious gaze, exactly like how you'd think she'd be--not bitchy at all. Then I stammered something really lame like "thanks for the greatest star sighting ever". She looked at me like I was an idiot, and left.

After that you couldn't get 200 feet from A.D. for awhile. Always made me wonder if those guys had a piece of the club or something. If I'd have had my digital camera and gotten video, I wonder how much that would go for? Apparently they repeated the same thing in NYC. Someone did get a picture and it made the NY Post. Supposedly Leo (I can mention him now, the good stuff is over) kicked them out of his party for doing it again. Forget where I heard that. What a twerp.

[Keystone]

Sweet, but I still like Dominic's trip report better

[man]

wow, leo's got terrible game. he should've made that a threeway.

[sushijerk]

I don't think Leo was all that interested in Drew Barrymore. She's the original Paris Hilton, except somewhere along the way she got a career and some marketed respectability.

[suzzer99]

[ QUOTE ]
Sweet, but I still like Dominic's trip report better

[/ QUOTE ]

So do I. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

I'd given 1 million of these for one of his.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
thanks for the greatest star sighting ever

[/ QUOTE ]

That's some funny sh*t, man. I'd have been traumatized for like the next 10 or 20 years after saying something like that.

[suzzer99]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
thanks for the greatest star sighting ever

[/ QUOTE ]

That's some funny sh*t, man. I'd have been traumatized for like the next 10 or 20 years after saying something like that.

[/ QUOTE ]

WTF do I care? I runied my rep with the Hollywood A-list. Oh crap.

Eh, I felt fairly dumb, but I think I was more proud I had the balls to talk to her. I'm pretty hard to embarass. Could be a leak.

[Blarg]

Seriously, that is effing funny. Definitely pass that one down to your grandkids, because that one will still be just as funny 100 years from now. That's so Gilligan it must be true.

I think a line like that MUST be turned into a picture with one of the O RLY owls.