Significant Other Gains A Large Amount Of Fat

[Dan R]

This has not happened to me, as I have no significant other, but it is a question my co-workers and I discussed this afternoon.

Assume you have a significant other that you have been dating for a long period of time, or you have in the recent past married. This person is the absolute love of your life, you love everything about him or her, and you find the person to be extremely attractive physically. Both of you are currently in much better shape than the average person.

Two years pass from the point in the previous paragraph, you have either extended your long-term relationship by two years, or your marriage by two years. In these two years your significant other has put on fifty pounds of fat. She or he has stopped working out, and consumes a large amount of unhealthy food. Your significant other is not a woman who has had any children, or had any other medical event occur, that you know of, that has added to his or her weight increase. To the best of your knowledge the person has gained fat because of newfound laziness, and knowledge that he or she no longer needs to keep in quite as good shape because he or she is in a meaningful relationship. You have kept yourself in about the same shape as the two years ago time period, so you are still looking great, congratulations.

What would you do in this situation?

What would you do in this situation if you were no longer happy with your significant others appearance, and after questioning his or her appearance, he or she made it clear that he or she will make no effort to lose their excess fifty pounds?

[guids]

I wouldnt have let her gain more than the first 20lbs she put on, so its wouldnt be an issue.

[Banks2334]

Time for an upgrade to this year's model.

[GooseHinson]

I'd probably lay hints that she should get into shape...OTOH, it's not uncommon for guys to gain significant weight as they age and that's not a big deal to them.

[PartyGirlUK]

Just be honest with her. If she loves you she will want to make you happy. Be very supportive. Not rocket science imo.

[Duff]

This is the exact reason why I dumped my girlfriend of two years. I don't think it makes me a bad person either. She gained about 30 pounds and I just stopped being attracted to her.

[Borodog]

My wife wrote this recently in her blog, and Rule Number 10 seems apropriate:

Having been in one miserable marriage and one happy one, here is what I have learned:
1. Say please and thank you. Just because you are intimate doesn't mean you don't need to give your significant other (SO) the respect of common courtesy. No one likes to be taken for granted or treated like a hired hand, or worse.

2. Pick your battles. Defer to your partner on the small things, and hope that they return the favor proportionately. But really, MOST things are not worth making your SO miserable over, and collectively they will kill the relationship, so think carefully before you make a mountain over a mole hill. Don't torture them. Just break up if you want out.

3. Do more than your share. Work in the home is never completely 50/50. Expecting it to be only creates an opportunity for tension. My rule is if you don't feel like you're doing 70f the work, you're probably not doing enough. Also, there should be an understanding that the person with the lowest tolerance of filth and clutter will be taking care of it sooner. Don't resent you making your home better for you. If you find a partner who will say "Thank you!" for it, you've hit the jackpot. Be that partner, which leads me to -

4. Be that partner. Strive to be the sort of partner you would want to be with. If you were your SO, would you like being with you?

5. Have your own money. At my house, we have his, hers and ours bank accounts. It may sound complicated, but it sure does make life simpler in many ways. Either one of us can splurge on a toy at any time if we have the money in our individual accounts. That's just the kind of freedom that should come with being a grown up. Don't get into a relationship that won't allow you that. Along with that comes

6. Pull your own weight. Its OK to depend on one another, but return the favor and don't be a burden. And be patient when its your turn to pull the weight. If its too one sided, you're not in a relationship of equals and you should get out if it bothers you. Children and stay-at-home mom/dad issues are something we haven't encountered yet. But that is something that should be exhaustively discussed beforehand.

7. Offer praise at every opportunity. Be very measured with criticism. It really helps when you notice your SO doing something good.

8. Your SO is not a project. Adults come As-Is. Your efforts to change someone into the perfect partner will only frustrate both of you. If they are not that person when you meet and as the relationship moves along, heed the red flags and stop wasting both of your lives and find someone who already is. Think about it - how eager are you to be shaped and molded into someone you're not just to please someone else? Wouldn't you rather have someone who loves you as you are? Return the favor, or move on. I'll say it again: Adults come As-Is.

9. Have a life. And let them have a life. Your SO is not your therapist, and not your everything. Yes, tell them your sorrows and your triumphs, but after 10 times, they get tired of it. Have outside friends to hang out with and talk to. Its good for you, good for your relationship.

10. Don't get fat. It's the most inconsiderate and selfish thing for you to do to your (expected) monogamous sexual partner. Take care of yourself, and they should do the same for you. Stay sexy, because sex is a healthy part of being human. If you let yourself go, you are only inviting them to temptation, and it comes to a point where its just cruel to expect them to continue to service your fat repulsive ass. If you insist on the KFC every day and you must have that to be fulfilled as a person, you need to discuss and be open to an open relationship. Be considerate and be the partner you would want if you were them. If not, you will soon find yourself with either an unexplainable STD or unexpected divorce papers. Believe it.

[JustToast]

Solid post borodog. Your wife is wise.

[Borodog]

I am very lucky.

[willie]

i started getting fat in my senior year of college after being pretty diesel sophomore and softening up junior year.

i just kicked myself in the ass post grad and started jamming (helped that my SO broke my heart temporarily)


she started to put on a little weight after we got together and i found that the easiest way to get around flat out hurting her feelings by telling her that she's getting big is tosimply lead by example.

i kept getting in better and better shape and put pressure on her to do the same through my actions but not through painful words.

telling a girl she isgetting fat is going to cause a problem- she's usually well aware of the fact and would like to change.



if she kept putting on poundage and didn't fall in line then i'd like to think that i'd speak up against her weightgain but i haven't had to yet.

btw i'm not trying to hype myself up- i'm just in decent shape.