Relationship Damage Control

[twonine]

This is a smurf account.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for two and half years. I've never cheated on her at all and I really do love her. Anyway, like all men my age (21), I guess we can't always deny the desire to stray. I went to a party last night, got drunk, and made out with a girl on the dancefloor. I was also seen walking her home, but nothing happened. I knew pretty much everyone at the party so I was obviously recognized.

OOT, what's my battle plan to keep the situation contained? Basically, what do I do about the girl? Ignore her or tell her explicitly that nothing is gonna happen between us? Do I say anything to the guys that saw us make out with her/walk her home or do I rely on the male code of silence? Should I tell my girlfriend? I know that if I would tell her, it would really, really hurt her. I'm never going to do this again so I feel she'd be better off not knowing. Anyway, any advise will be really appreciated.

[The X-Factor]

smurf,

Honestly, I would talk to your gf about it because she does not want to hear this from someone else. Just be honest with her and if she loves you it should all be ok since you didnt do anything else. Good luck.

X

[runner4life7]

[ QUOTE ]
smurf,

Honestly, I would talk to your gf about it because she does not want to hear this from someone else. Just be honest with her and if she loves you it should all be ok since you didnt do anything else. Good luck.

X

[/ QUOTE ]

i agree completely, especially with the good luck part, this wont be fun but you have to do it.

[mbillie1]

IMO this depends on your girl's personality, and who has "hand" in the relationship (to use a Seinfeld reference). If she is very likely (50%+) to find out about this, approach her and tell her you're sorry you made a big mistake... play it up like it was something worse... then when you tell her you "kissed another girl at the bar" she won't completely freak out. Unforunately, lots of spending-money-on-her, having-conversations-with-her and other such unfortunate phenomena are in your very immediate future if you want to remedy the situation.

However, if you think you have a less than 25% chance of her finding out about this, you may want to just act completely normal and see if she approaches you about it. By "completely normal" I of course mean:

1) No abnormal saying of "I love you" or any such thing
2) No unusual purchases of things for her
3) No reservedness, bashfulness, waiting-for-the-hammer-to-fall, etc

This is read-dependent. If she then approaches you, you essentially got called down turn CRAI. You're F'd. If you really do care about the relationship, go with the first option. If you are having questions (that might lead to things like making out with someone at a bar), and you think nobody will tell her, I might chance option number two.

Good luck either way, hope it turns out well

[imitation]

If only guys saw you are safe, even most decent chicks will not say anything. Say nothing.

[Gugel]

how about a half truth? just tell her you danced with a girl and walked her home (not mention the making out bit). most likely no one would tell her, but if it does come up, you'd would have something to fall back on. thoughts?

[mbillie1]

[ QUOTE ]
how about a half truth? just tell her i danced with a girl and walked her home (not mention the making out bit). most likely no one would tell her, but if it does come up, i would have something to fall back on. thoughts?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't like this move honestly... you admit of having essentially a bad intention (in her eyes) PLUS you're lying, when the situation generally isn't bad enough to bother lying to that degree about. If you're going to fess up anything, fess it all up--kissing is not the end of the world, especially not after 2+ years. This seems like a lose-lose to me. Just my two cents though.

[Poofler]

[ QUOTE ]
If only guys saw you are safe, even most decent chicks will not say anything. Say nothing.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the correct answer. Unless it is a weasley guy trying to get with your gf. The talk with her will scar your relationship permanently, if she's like most girls. And this will be held over your head.

[4_2_it]

Definitely mention that you walked the girl home (for safety reasons). Don't lie and answer any questions she might have, but don't volunteer anything about making out.

What are the expectations of the chick you walked home? Does she know your GF? She is the wild card. If she is bat[censored] crazy and likely to tell your GF or cause trouble if you ignore her, then you better prepare your girl for the onslaught.

[The X-Factor]

You cant leave out part of the truth in this situation. If she finds out later you lied you are toast. I would rather just get it all out on the table now and face the music.