1000th post

kevkev60614 · #1 08-15-2007, 04:32 PM

There's been a lot of good reads in OOT recently; I've been spending more time lurking here than in any other forum. So I thought I'd put my 1000th here and contribute a story. Thx to the forum and mods. Keep up the good work.

My parents moved to Eastern Tampa a while ago and I went to see their house for the first time one weekend. One of the first items on the agenda was signing on their safety deposit box. So that Saturday morning I threw some khaki shorts over the mesh gym shorts I'd slept in, didn't bother to do my hair, and left for the bank with my parents.

I sat at the bank for 45 minutes while an annoying employee flitted around trying my father's patience. Finally, she announces that we're ready. I stood up. The guys here may know how occasionally when wearing mesh shorts a leg hair will get stuck in the fabric. I thought this had happened, and I pulled at the back of my shorts to fix the problem. A second or two pass, the problem has not been solved, and I'm beginning to realize I probably have an ant in my
shorts.

Me: "Excuse me. Where is your restroom?"
Annoying woman who has forced us to wait more than 45 minutes for something which will take less than 45 seconds: "Can't it wait? We're almost done here."
Me: "No. It cannot wait."

I get to the bathroom and strip bare-assed naked. By this time, in my mind I'm leaning away from the possibility of an ant, and towards a fire ant or possibly a bee. I look in my khaki shorts, and all looks well. I look in my mesh shorts, and a scorpion looks back at me. In retrospect, I may have overreacted. But in my defense, all I really knew about scorpions was that they're ugly, poisonous, and Godzilla once fought one. So this is some serious [censored]. And at the very least I was surprised to learn that one had been nuzzling my left cheek. So I did overreact. I threw my shorts at the ground and made this noise: "Whooamygoohmygodohmygod."

I put on my khakis again, commando-style, and left the bathroom in search of my father. Partially, I wanted someone there in case I spontaneously lost consciousness, but mostly I thought noone would believe me unless someone verified what I had seen. I find my father and ask him to follow me. Possibly the funniest thing I saw that day was the intense confusion on my mom's face. I guess my "No, it cannot wait" comment caused her to assume I had explosive diarrhea or something, but now I was including my father on the experience.

Anyway, my dad came in and verified that I'm not a lunatic. He dropped the shorts as quickly as I had, to my satisfaction, but didn't make the same noise. I stepped on the little [censored], and we finished our business at the bank. Public Service Announcement: bank scorpions are not that dangerous. The one I saw was about an inch long. The
problem is they often travel in packs, I guess, and a bunch of stings is a big problem. Also, a lot of people are allergic, kinda like bees. I took a couple of Benadril just in case, and then moved on.

AbreuTime · #2 08-15-2007, 05:15 PM

The same thing happened to me.

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tuq · #3 08-15-2007, 05:18 PM

kevkev,

Not bad. I've seen plenty of scorpions and have an irrational fear of them. Not sure how I would react if I saw one around my crotchal region.