SO Gets Disfigured - Your Play?

[secretprankster]

I asked this in IRC awhile back and there was no real consensus.

A Cliff's Notes would be as long as the explanation so I won't do one.

Basically, your girlfriend (NOT your wife) gets in a horrible accident. These are some possible outcomes:

a) loses a leg
b) face gets really effed up
c) large amount of her body is burned

You're not choosing these three, and the results aren't limited to these three, but these are some examples. The outcome could really be anything - within reason, I guess.

What is your obligation in this scenario? Obviously you can say you still love them and love to be seen in public with them, but it's probably not totally true anymore. It would seem it would depend quite a bit on how long you have been together. Assume again, you are not married.

What do you do if you:

a) Have been with her three weeks (just covering all the bases here)
b) Have been with her for one year
c) Were about to propose

Also a lot of this depends on what type of person you are. Some might be really desperate and/or smitten and not want to leave no matter what, while others would be revolted by the mere sight of her new body. For you personally, what's the least upper bound of injuries that would make you scram?

A little long-winded but worth discussing, I thought.

[Alobar]

a) wait a week, then splitsville
b) wait two months, then splitsville
c) prolly 3 or 4 months, then splitsville

[Los Feliz Slim]

I don't think the injury, at the moment it happens, would immediately change how I felt about my girlfriend. So this is determined by where the relationship is when it happens.

So if it was three weeks, I'd probably still be in the "let's see where this is headed" mode. Of course, it would be more likely that it wouldn't turn into a long-term relationship because of all the stress that had been added and lost physical attraction, but I guess you never know. Relationships can be in a lot of difference places after one year, so hard to say. If I was about to propose that would mean that I'm very much in love, which means for me I would absolutely do everything I could for the person I love, like I would now for my wife.

Ultimately, time has less to do with it than how I feel about the person.

The minister who married my wife and I told us some awful statistic about the percentage of people who leave their spouses after a horrible injury, illness, etc. The point was "Do you love each other so much that even if your spouse became a blind paraplegic you'd still care for them?" In my case I believe the answer is yes, I would imagine that for many people the answer is no.

[gumpzilla]

[ QUOTE ]

The minister who married my wife and I told us some awful statistic about the percentage of people who leave their spouses after a horrible injury, illness, etc. The point was "Do you love each other so much that even if your spouse became a blind paraplegic you'd still care for them?" In my case I believe the answer is yes, I would imagine that for many people the answer is no.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think much would depend on the significant other's flexibility regarding sexual arrangements.

[miajag]

If it had been an actual committed, serious relationship, I'm sure I would remain friends and help care for them (and because I'd actually want to, not just to avoid looking like a dick), but I'd think it would be understood by all parties that I'd be back on the market.

(btw, this only really applies to severe disfiguring/disabling injuries, like horrible facial burns or her becoming quadraplegic or something. Loss of a leg or arm probably wouldn't affect my feelings at all, tbh)

[secretprankster]

Been googling for that picture of the really disfigured Iraq soldier with the blonde wife. Pls link if you have it.

[Quicksilvre]

[ QUOTE ]
Loss of a leg or arm probably wouldn't affect my feelings at all, tbh)

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, loss-of-limb is no big deal to me, either. I think the one that would make me the most hesitant about continuing the relationship would be major burns, and that would depend on how long/deep the relationship was. I think my reaction would be about the same as miajag's--friend and caretaker, but with a new lover.

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
a) wait a week, then splitsville
b) wait two months, then splitsville
c) prolly 3 or 4 months, then splitsville

[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds about right. Too many intimacy issues arise, and as Mia pointed out - if she's reasonable both parties would understand why you'd want to be back on the market.

Actually, a co-worker and good friend got into an accident that left him paralyzed below the waist back in 2000. He was 30 at the time, really active hiker, golfer etc., successful in his career, beautiful wife (had just gotten married right before the accident).

His recovery is a real testament to willpower - took him about 6 month to resume his normal life. He lives in Manhattan and is an investment banker and does it all in a wheelchair.

Anyway his wife (who is not only hot but a really cool chick) stayed with him for about 3 years and eventually they got divorced. My buddy understood and they're still very good friends.

-Al

[Anacardo]

LFS,

I'm the luckiest woman in the world. [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[Anacardo]

To address OP,

I think the standard play here is to stick around, lose your sexual chemistry, feel guilty, hate yourself, start cheating, feel guiltier, hate yourself some more.