Just got diagnosed with AD/HD and being a jerk.

[threeonefour]

Sorry if this is too bloggy/emo/lame. I was thinking this might be interesting for the lounge to talk about some ADD issues/psychological issues.

So I just got done with a battery of tests to determine whether or not I have ADD. I took an IQ test, a personality test, a reading testing, a math computation kind of test, a couple self report surveys (relating to problems with hyperactivity and attention), and a personality inventory (called the PAI, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persona...nt_Inventory). I also took a computer based test where i had to click a mouse whenever i saw the number 1 flash on the screen or heard this computer voice speak the number 1. My ex-girlfriend also filled out a survey relating to problems I have with attention and Hyperactivity. I also went through a pretty rigorous 'interview' process initially where i talked about all the issues in my life and what brought me to come into get tested.


The whole process probably took about 8 hours, spread across 3 days.

The results:

My IQ was high. but not ridiculously high, about 2 standard deviations above the mean, so about the top 2% of the population. i was really disappointed in my performance initially after taking the test, but after seeing the results I honestly don't think I am much smarter than what I tested.

I had a lot of problems with attention, but not so much with hyperactivity. Which was basically what I expected. I also absolutely bombed that computer test, the average score for the testing was 100 with a standard deviation of 15, and i scored 53!! on the auditory and 79 on visual. For an overall score of 61. So basically i am auditory retarded.

Finally, on the reading comprehension and other stuff I scored as basically average. Which would be fine for most people, but my scores were far outside the range you would expect from someone with my IQ, which i guess is the primary way they diagnose ADD. They suggested this might be why I was never diagnosed earlier, since technically i did fine on all the tests, but i wasn't really achieving up to my 'potential'.

On to the more depressing stuff:

After the reports talks about my life history (which is kind of depressing to read on paper), It breaks down how i scored on a lot of the tests. eventually I get to this part which was pretty upsetting:

[ QUOTE ]

Of Particular note is XXXX's egocentricity scale (T-score=85), which was observed at levels higher than typically seen in clinical populations. This scale assesses the amount of callousness and lack of empathy during interactions with other people. In the context of XXXX's responses this elevations appears to imply self-centeredness and an inability to maintain lasting relationships due to placing his own needs ahead of the needs of other people. Accordingly, the social detachment scale (T-score=84) is also elevated, however, not above levels typically seen in clinical populations. This suggests that XXXX has little interest in other people's lives and has difficulty experiencing and expressing emotions.



XXX is likely to initially be perceived by others as cold and withdrawn. He reported limited social skills and poor social judgment. Difficulties in understanding the nuances of interpersonal interactions likely increase his difficulties in establishing empathy for others. XXX endorsed having few close relationships, and as such has a lack of social support. Anxiety may increase when he establishes close relationships from uncertainty about how to maintain it. Many of his relationships are likely intense and probably fail due to exploitive or manipulative behavior focused on meeting his own needs. However, his lack of empathy prevents him from viewing his behavior in such a way.

[/ QUOTE ]

That last sentence hit me pretty hard. since i really never did see it that way. But everything reported about me not being able to make lasting relationships is basically true. my only significant relationship is with my ex girlfriend who i have dated off and on since high school. But that relationship has basically been a train wreck. Other than that, I only have one fairly close friend, but our relationship has never been very healthy to be honest. Literally outside those two people i mentioned , I have no friends that aren't blood relatives. I know some people that are casual acquaintances, people i might see once every three months or so, but none that problems consider me more than a luke-warm/semi-friend.

I think it should be noted that the above quote isn't based strictly on my test results but also from what i told the test administrator/psychologist and based on my behavior while being tested (it was noted that i rarely if ever made eye contact).


It was also noted in my report that I scored/seemed like a high suicide risk. I think its mostly because I had a lot of problems with depression in the past. but it really hasn't been an issue for about a year now.

In the recommendations section of the report. It seems like they are recommending the standard stuff like ADD medication and tutoring and stuff like that. Yet, there wasn't really anything recommended for how to make me less of an [censored] :-/ I kind of feel like i am doomed to be socially retarded for the rest of my life. which is pretty depressing by itself.

If anyone has any other questions about my testing results, or the testing experience I would be happy to answer them.

EDIT: I have tried to edit this post as best I can. I am sorry if it is hard to read. One of the primary reasons I came in to get tested is because despite being a smart guy, I can't type a damn sentence with making a bunch of mistakes. words like and become am, where becomes whether, me becomes my, and other words just seem to get dropped off when i try to type (in the previous sentence, i forgot the word 'despite' and the word 'bunch' became 'much' the first time i typed it). It's really frustrating, especially when trying to type up something like a resume(I have sent off so many recently riddled with errors), but hopefully i did a good job.

[katyseagull]

Forgive me if you mentioned this but I confess I sort of skimmed it. How old are you and have you ever been on medication before? Do you want to be on medication? What is it you are hoping to address first, your poor social skills?

oh, and you sound like a lot of the guys who post on this site. Lack of empathy, poor relationship skills, very smart, etc. Maybe it's a poker guy thing? [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[threeonefour]

I am 23 male, never been medicated, but i am pretty sure i should be on ADD medication (like adderall) at the least. I have a lot of anxiety issues. A LOT. i get hung up in all sorts of social situations, basically can't deal with strangers very well at all. interestingly enough, even though the passages above say that i don't really have empathy for other people (which may be in large part true) i am deathly afraid of imposing on other people. I also am not comfortable being dependent on other people.ie i will NEVER ask a waitress for anything, and i get fairly upset if people i am dining with make special requests of our waitress. I also have a very hard time saying no to people, and have been told that i don't have much of a backbone a lot.

and i am coming to the realization that i might be an [censored] and/or totally incapable of developing healthy relationships with other people. so i guess i would like to address that, but i mean i am not even sure the lounge can help me? to a large extent is seems i have just been built that way.

[threeonefour]

You comment about people on this forum sharing a lot of my traits seems to be spot on imo. I was wondering if other posters have had experiences similar to mine. I would love to hear their stories.

I know there have been a lot of posts on here about taking adderall. I am wondering if other posters went through a similar process to get it.

[Taso]

[ QUOTE ]

oh, and you sound like a lot of the guys who post on this site. Lack of empathy, poor relationship skills, very smart, etc. Maybe it's a poker guy thing? [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]


[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know if it's a poker guy thing. I think it's more of a computer guy thing. I used to play some online video games, and any computer forum I'd go to, you'd get the same jerky responses you get at this forum. The computer game playing kids at my high school, same thing, a lot of [censored] responses in social situations. Go on xbox live, same [censored].

Go to a baseball game, everyone talks to eachother, shares stories, etc.

Or even if you go to another forum I frequent, which I won't spam here, but is for guitar players, everyone is EXTREMLY friendly and helpful. It's a forum, but for an activity that has nothing to do with computers really, and computer interaction.

I don't really go to any other forums than 2+2 and that other one though, so I can't really comment further on this. Although I did briefly stop by an electronics forum when I got my new TV to ask a few questions, and I was not met with any snide remarks.

Another example, I used to play Everquest and Counter Strike, and whenever anyone asked a question, the standard response was "OMG N00B, IM G0NNA PWN U!@2211!!!!"

Maybe it's just my biased viewpoint as someone who prefers live people to internet, but I get the impression that some basic social skills are being lost.

[Idiotex]

I think I agree. Winning online poker players will generally begin to lose their social skills beyond a given point. I have noticed it happened to me lately. I was at a bar for a friend's going away to Europe and I just felt like I couldn't really relate to anyone there.

So I'm joining these running clubs and stuff to try and balance things out. I might fly somewhere for a month with a casino and do some socializing.

[thecincykiddo]

threeonefour,

I have a friend who's been diagnosed with ADHD and has to take what I consider to be way too much medication, but it really helps him. After several years, he's finally getting his PhD and he has a very good relationship with his girlfriend, who came into the picture later.

In all honesty, I think that feeling like you may never be able to have a healthy relationship is the way that many people feel, but a lot of them are too afraid to admit it until they find it staring them in the face.

Just let it go, day by day. You'll see.

[MrMon]

I'll go out on a limb and say that although you might have some problems, and you might have ADD, that evaluation was a bunch of bull. To me, it reads like if you aren't all warm and fuzzy like ideal patient X, then you're some sort of anti-social freak. It is possible to be someone other than their ideal and be perfectly normal. It's just that we all have strengths and weaknesses and you need to learn to work on the weaknesses and play to your strengths.

I'm going to recommend you go to a web site and read a book that helped me a lot and made me feel much better about not being like everyone else. Some people don't like him, but you might be surprised what you learn about yourself. It'll at least be a start.

The web site is:

http://www.keirsey.com/

You can take his test online to start with and read about the basic personality type. Then get his book, "Please Understand Me" or the sequel, and dig a little more into whatever type you come up as. Then read about the other types and see how you fit into the whole. You'll find you do fit and you don't have to change much, just work on some things and deal with the ADD.

FWIW, Keirsey hates drugging ADD people, and goes off quite a bit about it on a section of his website. I don't know enough to agree or disagree with him, but he's worth considering. That part of his work doesn't really impact works on character type and temprament though, so ignore it if you choose.

[threeonefour]

-thecincykiddo

thanks for sharing the story and the advice. i am definitely just trying to focus on making little improvements in my life everyday and 'live one day at a time'. i have always had a problem with getting preoccupied with both the past and the future and just never doing anything in the present to improve my situation. going in and getting the testing done was way out of character for me but i am very happy i have done it.


-Mrmon

looks like an interesting site. I will definitely pursue learning more about this author. thanks for the tip.

[thecincykiddo]

threeonefour,

good to hear it. now, after you've figured out how to live 'one day at a time', you'll have to let me know your secret [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]