Plunger from the toilet to the cabinet?

[roy_miami]

3 of the past 4 days I've been having some toilet blocking dumps. Largest diameter logs of my life. I thought I might have to go to the finger when it was lodged half way out my bung-hole the first day. (After a half hour struggle with breathing exercises, I got it out) Its super hard, long, thick crap. the second load was so big it wouldn't even leave the bowl. It was extra painful too because my rectum was still torn from the day before.

My question,

How do I get the plunger from the toilet to the cabinet under the sink without getting feces (water dripping from the plunger) all over the place?

Bonus question,

What the hell is wrong with my digestive tract all of a sudden?