A trip report I never posted...

[Inthacup]

I went to Vegas back in early March and wrote a trip report when I got back, but never posted it. The trip came up in conversation, which reminded me that I needed to make this post. I’m good friends with 2+2 posters _2000Flushes(2KF) and ArchAngel71857(AA). It was their idea to hit Vegas and another one of our friends came along. There was some Nascar race this weekend and I saw my fair share of mullets and Nascar jackets. Hell, if I wanted to see that, I could have just stayed in Tennessee.

AA is coming from up north and meeting us there, but 2kf and me are on the same flight. We sit next to a Nascar guy who happens to be pretty cool. He’s on the flight with a couple of his rowdy friends and by the end of the flight, they’re chanting ‘Chicken Ranch!’ and talking [censored] to other Nascar fans. I’m assuming Chicken Ranch is a strip club or whore house or something. I didn’t push the issue at the time.

So, we arrive in Vegas around 10:30 and meet up with AA who has already gotten the car. To my surprise, it’s a ...dodge intrepid. Why do we have such a shitty car you ask? Because you have to be 25 to get the Jaguar that AA rented. Lucky for us, we got to pimp out in the dodge intrepid the entire weekend.

We roll up to the Bellagio and unpack our bags. While upacking the bags, 2kf gives me one of my favorite gifts ever: A mesh hat with a headshot of Mason on it. I made some joking post about it a long time ago and he remembered and made one for me online. He's just that kind of guy. Needless to say, we're great friends.

First thing we hit is the poker room and I sit at a 15-30 game with 2kf. I was in Vegas about 18 months ago and it’s amazing how much the traffic has grown in that room. They definitely need to make some expansions. The first night was pretty uneventful. The only interesting point was the discussion started by the hat. Some Vegas regular made a comment about it and asked if he could buy it for $15. I laughed. Then someone else at the table said ‘isn’t that Mason Malmuth?’ and a total fish chimes in with ‘who’s that? Phil Helmuth’s dad?’ That put the table in an uproar. The Vegas regular eventually offered me up to $50 for it, but I declined.

I lost about $150 at 15-30 and joined AA about 2 hours later and played some 8-16. Ended up losing about $300 more and we hit the sack about 5:30 in the morning.

We get up on Fri. at about 10 and head straight back down to the poker room. This time, AA joins me at 15-30. He’s never played anything higher than 5-10 but I was confident he could beat the game, despite the fact I was sitting there. We played for about 2 hours before lunch and I hit a GREAT run of hands. I lost one showdown and a total of 2 flops that I saw. I walked away after 2 hours up $900 at the table and about $500 for the trip.

After lunch, we decided it was time to start pounding. All 4 of us sat at 8-16 and turned it into a bar. You know it’s bad when 2kf says ‘how many drinks can I order at a time? As many as I want? OK, I’ll have 3 long island iced tea’s’. I can’t really remember how I did at 8-16, but it was around even. We ate dinner at Ceasar’s Palace and the drinks kept coming. We came back to the hotel around 10 and I felt like [censored]. I hit the sack and didn’t wake up until 5AM. Needless to say, this didn’t make the other guys too happy and they made hourly trips up to the room to [censored] with me. I wasn’t passed out mind you, just dehydrated and tired.

So I hear all these stories about how 2kf went crazy at the 4-8 table while I was asleep. I was rather pissed that I missed it, and he assured me that the same thing was coming the next night.

Saturday night rolls around and we ate at the Mirage. The real reason we ate there is so we could play 3-6. We all sat at the same 3-6 table and it was the craziest/funniest thing I’ve ever seen. 2kf turned the 3-6 table into the best and most profitable room in the house. First hand he sits in with $30(the minimum) and claims ‘Next hand, I’m raising no matter what’. He follows up by playing the hand blind through the river, raising at every opportunity. He tables 2 9 for nine high and goes to reload. The table is laughing hysterically. He buys in for the minimum a few more times, losing it on the first hand each time until the snide old man makes a comment. He then goes up to the counter and cashes in for about $2000 in reds and it was on. The tone is set and it continues for the next 3 hours. He played 95% of the hands he was dealt, and most times played it blind. On top of that, when he would win a pot, he would do crazy [censored] like say ‘man, I’m really sorry bout that, here you go’ and would toss the guy $10. One time, a dealer sat down, and said ‘Hi everyone’, 2kf says ‘Good Job’ and tosses him a $5 chip. Everyone at the table starts cracking up, and the dealer puts his head down, trying to control his laughter. Another time, 2kf wins a huge pot and after the hand, passes $3 to everyone at the table so that everyone would have a free ride to see the next flop. Not wanting to be outdone, other players at the table started getting in on the action. Two asian guys decide they’re going to play THEIR hands blind till the river, raising at every opportunity. Needless to say, I’ve never laughed more at a poker table and probably never will. I think he ended up close to even at the table, but the entertainment value was priceless.

A fun highlight on the night was when we managed to soften up this 70 yr old hag who was determined put a halt to any and all fun at the table. She had a wonderful scowl and was not afraid to use it. The first 15 minutes were a little uncomfortable, but she finally came around and eventually started getting in on the shenanigans! At the table next to us, there were these 2 girls, both very hot, wearing purple shirts. 2KF started devising a plan on how we could get 'purple shirts' to come to our table. He made a few comments over the humm of the cardroom that could easily be heard by the table next to us, but they weren't responding much. 2KF decided to write a note on a cocktial napkin and was going to give it to them. 2KF will have to follow up with the contents of the note, because I can't really remember. Old hag decided to get in on the action and volunteered to take the note to them! The note didn't woo them, nor did the boisterous offer of 'I'll give 2 purple chips for 2 purple shirts!' that was said by 2KF for the surrounding tables to hear.


In the midst of all this, I met up with ClarkNasty, and Bob S. at the Mirage, but that was just over a beer. Clark had to cut it short because of a date with his girlfriend and Dynasty had a date with good old Rosie, I think(j/k). While their personalities were pretty polar, I enjoyed talking to both. I actually spent more time with Dynasty because we were waiting for Clarkmeister to finish his time charge. He saw some of the action that was going on at the 3-6 table and made a few comments about 'Is he(2KF) really passing his money around the table?' Yes, yes he was.


I was supposed to leave Sunday, but we were having too much fun and I got it worked out to go home on a Monday flight. We were extending our room at the front desk and the lady tells us that we can upgrade to a penthouse for an extra $150. We jump on that and move from floor 5 to 29. This room was so freakin nice it was crazy. Wetbar, bigscreen TV with sound system, living room, hot tub, steam room, all kinds of things that we used to our advantage that night.

We decided to see what the sun looked like and spent a few hours by the pool. 2 hours later, we had a $200+ tab and a few new lady friends who were sun-bathing behind us. The sun was setting and we were starving, so we made arrangments to meet up with the ladies later that night(in the PENTHOUSE!) and we got some dinner.

After dinner, 2kf and my other friend decided to go on a mission to pick up some non-whores. They succeeded and in no time, we had a nice little party with about 20 people in the penthouse. I don't remember much about that night, but I do remember some people ordering fruit plates at 4 am and the whip cream fight that followed. We partied until about 8 AM and everyone that was single hooked up. It was a great night of debauchery that finished off the trip perfectly. I caught my plane back to the east coast and none other than the ‘chicken ranch’ guys were on the same damn flight back. What are the odds?

Well, that’s my Vegas story. I’m probably leaving some stuff out, but if you remember everything, you didn’t have enough fun.



Cup