[King_S]

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in some ways i almost wish that i was in a position to be seriously considering suicide, because i think that it would allow me to fearlessly approach women and interact socially and do things i have always wanted to do but was too afraid and ultimately find reaosn to live.

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You might think so, but you're really just depressed all the time, which isn't a big motivating factor to be fearless.

I was there too when I was like 15-17. I think a lot of it is hormonal just because so many people go through suicidal phases at that age, but it really does get better, and not even in the ways you're thinking. When I was younger I was like "man, I'm never gonna have a girlfriend, I feel so lonely all the time, etc etc" and here I am 5 years later, still without a girlfriend or any of the [censored] that I thought would save me from those depths of misery, but life's better anyway. It's hard to see over the top of the cliff from the bottom of it, but there's a world up there; you gotta have faith in its existence.

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it does seem to make sense that becoming even more depressed and ultimately suicidal won't give me the motivation to "go deep" but only push me further away

i don't think i need to have faith in things getting better though..i do think that things will get better for me when i'm out of school and not dealing with girls who know me and already have negative opinions of me.

also, i just had this chat with lurker:

me (3:28:56 AM): talk to a professional or call one of those hotlines
me (3:29:00 AM): 1800 suicide
me (3:29:03 AM): seriously
me (3:29:23 AM): if you really are considering this
him(3:29:38 AM): not callign some hotloine
him (3:29:39 AM): lol
me (3:30:05 AM): haha it may be dumb but if its that or killing yourseld its obv whats better
him (3:30:35 AM): killing myself is what i'm doing
him (3:30:39 AM): i shouldlnt have made that post
me (3:30:54 AM): why not?
him (3:31:45 AM): too many ppl conbvicning me not to
him (3:31:47 AM): when i am anyway
him 3:31:50 AM): jsut thought i'd say bye

i have his aim and phone number and name and city if anyone thinks they can make good use of the info..i was actually considering calling the police..as crazy as that sounds

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not crazy at all. if police intervention saves his life, it's a very good outcome