[adanthar]

I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter

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i want to die.

every day i swim in the cesspool that is my thoughts, filled with the blood of death, murder, and suicide. many years have been spent reading, studying, looking at the reasons behind those acts, studying the methods of murder and how to store the body away without evidence, studying the most effective ways of suicide, all of it. it infests me in the search of enlightenment, to find my sense of self and self worth. who do i play poker? i enjoy seeing others suffer. it is just inside me, and the only pleasure i receive within this life. ive had a severe depression since age 10, but i refuse to take pills. what good am i if i have to depend on artificial pills? i have the inability to be able to actually pull the trigger on myself, so i jut wait for the day where someone comes to kill me. there is no hope, no happiness, no hope for freedom out there, and a high hope for failure. in the end, we all die and who am i to prolong it

you know how ive studied murder methods and how to scape the body? dont try to trace me or you find out what ive learned

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