[Dschmeidreu]

I have a confession I have to make guys. I....am....a.....joke. I have been playing poker for 5 years, have had some intermediate success on venom007, but nowhere near the success I expect of someone of my intelligence. I'm young, i have a lot of talent and potential, but for some reason I just cannot get myself under control when it comes to tilting. Just one bad session has me moving from .25/.50 to 2/4...everytime I bust I tell myself next time will be different, if you just play one month and build your way from .10/.25 PLO you'll be playing 1/2 or at least .5/1 in no time, just stick with it-- unfortunately i rarely ever stick with it, and that has lead to me wasting the past 5 years of my life playing poker.

Have I learned anything about the game? In terms of pure knowledge about how to play, I think my knowledge surpasses far more than the majority of players, but that is completely irrelevant if I can't battle and win the emotional part of the game.

I have poker tracker.....and I've never had a database larger than 3,000 hands, as when any limit starts going south, as I know is going to happen, I get upset and start a new database. I expect to win. Ping pong, basketball, tennis, these sports are not like poker. The other competitive aspects of my life are not like poker. They have made me falsly believe that if i work hard and put in the effort, im going to consistantly win-- poker guraentees nothing of the sort.

I've had a number of people back me in the past, and only with one did I have great success since he was always there for me to help me through the bad times, talk on the phone, etc.....it is embarassing that I cannot solve the game on my own. If I had learned the emotional part of the game and been able to practice BR management and not tilt for just a year, i'd have a sizeable bankroll, a large checking and savings account, and possibly have a reputation as a good player. Instead what do I have? Absolutely nothing. I say thank you to all the people that have believed in me throughout my poker career, one day I will pay you back, but for now I am left sitting here wondering what could have been if I had just learned some self control.

I think thats another one of my big problems, eveyr time I bust, every time I think about poker, I think to myself that if I just had learned some self control I would have a huge bankroll. So I play with the attitude that I DESERVE a large bankroll, and that [censored] it, ill move to higher limits and get it the quickest way possible. I have now learned that I deserve NOTHING, poker rewards those who stick with something and focus, and I have not really stuck with anything. I'm all over the place from .5/1 NL holdem to 3/6 limit the next day to 2/4 razz to 2/4 PLO to sit and gos to MTT's to heads up.

I am not sure where my future path will take me, but I know I have potential to become a great poker player, or at least a winning one. And I believe the first step in that path is admitting one thing: I....am.....a......joke.

Thanks for reading and listening
- Venom007