Humans seem to be attached to their hair, in more than a literal sense. In our society, baldness is perceived as less attractive and embarrassing for both sexes, instead of a sometimes normal process of aging or illness. We tend to attach so much of our self worth to our head of hair, that to be without it, or for it to look bad, is a sign of weakness, ugliness, embarrassment, impotency or even feelings of being less than feminine.
I am not certain whether having a full, lush head of hair gave self-confidence to a less confident person first, or if society forced a self-confident person to lose their self-esteem due to pressures to conform. I would assume the first, but I am certainly no expert, and do not come from a background of low self-confidence.
When I first learned I would lose a lot of hair, I had just been diagnosed with diabetes and had to have major surgery due to the damage that had been done to some of my vital organs. I did not have thick, full, lush hair, but it was long. I used the best products and took care of my hair as well as I could. I could not afford to lose 50% of my existing hair without my scalp showing. It was not a big decision for me. While I didn't get it chopped all at once, I slowly got it cut, experimenting with different styles at different lengths. This was more for the sake of fun, and to see what I looked like with various lengths and colors. I also wanted to break it slowly to my husband Glenn (Domit on 2+2), knowing that men tend to value long locks in women.
I had surgery, and lost quite a bit of hair. I didn't realize just how much I'd lost until I got a slight sunburn on my scalp while driving with my sunroof open all the time. We lived in the DC area, so this wouldn't normally happen. I don't believe I have any pics of this time period, or at least not scanned pics. If I find some later, I will scan them and upload them to this thread.
All of this happened back in 1998 and 1999. I have never had long hair again.
My hair is constantly changing. I have some friends in the high stakes poker world who don't even recognize me when I first approach them at a festival. I might change the color or length so dramatically that they certainly don't expect the Felicia they know when they see my crazy hair.
Here are some pics from 2000 until I got cancer in 2005.
If there was ever a person who did not place any stock on what others thought of her hair, or how well her hair complimented her facial structure, she was me. My only criteria is that the gray didn't blend in much with the rest of my natural hair color, and I hated seeing it stick out, so I mainly covered it.
And then the other shoe dropped in 2005 and I got cancer. I was one of the lucky chicks (haha) who doesn't qualify for any of the newer, less harsh drugs. In every profile, I was not a match. I didn't get to take the good stuff that most cancer patients get to take these days, I had to do the harsh, 30 year old chemo. Lucky me!
So I knew I'd be losing all of my hair. Pubic hair went first, wooohoo. Glenn certainly loved that look [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
I also knew I'd be severely crippled by chemo, given the cocktail I was prescribed, and the fact that my brother had a very bad time with it, too, and we are so alike. I knew it would be a long, long time before I had real hair again, and before I had any semblence of "health" again. I remember one of the nurses looking at my labs before I even started chemo and saying that my labs looked like I'd already been through it. So I knew in advance this was going to be a rough time. I even took a month to get prepared, and wanted to take more, but the Oncolgist kicked and screamed and virtually dropped me as a patient if I didn't start sooner. She turned out to be a real witch, but I've grown to expect that in Arizona, where the medical care can be compared to the dark ages of medicine.
I had Glenn shave my head to the shortest guard that I had for the clippers.
What I didn't expect when it came to losing my hair is that my scalp would become so tender that it "hurt" when the hair fell out. This was a huge crush. I mean, my head literally hurt. Like it had bruises all over it.
And since the hair fell out rather slowly, it hurt for a long time. It hurt way too much to wear regular hats. I had to wear super soft scarves and turbans. I mostly stayed indoors and stayed bald, because anything touching my head hurt it. Once all of the hair was gone, however, it did not hurt, but that took a long, long time. Much longer than I ever would have expected.
The cancer center was constantly trying to get me to wear wigs and fake boobs. I'm not sure why that mentality is still out there, but they were insistent, and acted appalled that I would not even consider it. Like I was less of a woman, less of a self-confident human being just because I had no hair and no boobs? That is ridiculous, and I didn't care for the pressure. I basically told them to eff-off and did my own thing.
I never, ever, have felt less confident, less of a woman, a sexual being, or a person due to hair loss or any other loss. I cannot figure out why society in general has placed that onus on us.
More recently, I have been on several cruises and watched the way certain women behave when they don't have hair. I don't get it. They have virtually no hair to speak of, yet they grow it out, long and stringy, trying to cover a bald scalp. Strings of ugly, unhealthy, dull looking hair, with no bounce or shine, trying to cover what is obvious to everyone else. I'm not sure what these women are thinking of. Short, stylish hair looks so much more flattering to women who are balding.
I looked up a few websites on female baldness, and was amazed at the lengths women will go to in order to hide baldness. It can be causes by a variety of conditions and illnesses. It can be short-term or permanent, but women seem to take drastic measures when it comes to hiding a bald pate. Even more sad, I found the pics of women who simply cut their thin locks very short to be much more flattering than those who went the route of elaborage wigs, weaves, extensions or accessories covering the crown (hats, scarves, etc). Most of the time their facial structures and coloring did not support a huge, volumous head of hair. Yet that is what they necessitated in order to feel more feminine. More like a "real" woman. Rubbish, I say. The weakness comes from inside, not from their lack of hair. Just my opinion, but I feel that something was probably "broken" with their esteem long before they lost their hair.
Hair Loss
Hair Loss II
Hair Loss III
As for men, some of them simply shave their heads or keep a close cut long before they go completely bald. This is the way to go, imo. It doesn't make the loss quite so traumatic, and also looks extremely sexy on most men. There are exceptions, of course, with lumpy scalps or moles, but lots of things can be helped these days with laser treatment and/or a good dermatologist.
This looks infinitely better than the looooooong, side parted comb-over. I know that some women say that they like a man with some hair, rather than a balding man, but I have never, EVER heard a woman profess that she likes the long, scraggily comb-over better than a close cut on a balding man. Never. The comb-over looks ridiculous. It is not fooling anyone. I don't believe it is even fooling the balding man himself, nor does it give him more self-confidence, imo.
Why does our society tell us that we cannot be who we are? That we are less sexual, less attractive beings if we allow our hair to be cut extremely close, rather than resorting to wigs, toupes, hats and hideous comb-overs as we bald? Why do we feel that our hair is our crown? That we are defined by the length, texture, and beauty of our hair?
I don't buy this. I never have. I am a woman. I am a sexual being, I have huge self-esteem. I am confident in my looks and marriage. I don't define myself or hold my head high based on my hair (or lack of, lol).
When I look at myself in the mirror, I see who I have always seen. I see who I want to be, not flaws in myself due to illness and heredity.
We are beautiful beings (yeah, some of you are butt ugly, but you know what I mean [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] ). We should hold our heads up high, proudly, confidently, regardless of our outer beauty. No one likes a meek, whiny doormat.
Women and men who lack self-esteem will never be beautiful regardless of their outer appearance. Women and men who have lots of self-confidence and inner beauty will always be more desirable, in the long run, no matter the lack of hair or movie star looks.
Please feel free to add lots of discussion and/or pictures to this thread. While my opinion will not change, I hope it is a huge help to others.
Bald and Beautiful,
Felicia [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
