[youtalkfunny]

When it comes to giving free stuff away, I'll take the zombies over the people who COMPLAIN about the freebies.

A casino I worked at in Las Vegas had a FREE football pool for the employees. Repeat, FREE. No money. Employees had to pick all the NFL games each week, no point spreads. Whoever got the most right won $300. Second place was worth $150, third place was $50. Fourth place was a dinner comp for two. Fifth place was a pair of tickets to the floor show.

That's $8,500 in cash prizes over the course of the season. Add in the comps, and the casino is probably on the hook for ten dimes. I always thought this was a very kind gesture. Not many others did.

The sportsbook ran the contest and paid the winners. I worked in the sportsbook, so I had to deal with all these lulus.

Who would complain about such a thing, right?

EMPLOYEE: (presents ticket) Is this where I collect my prize?

ME: (checking ticket) Hey, congratulations, you won!

EMPLOYEE: How much did I win?

ME: (excited) $300!

EMPLOYEE: (suddenly turning angry) THAT'S IT??? For picking all those games??? I went 12-0! What a gyp!

ME: (sincerely) Madam, I apologize on behalf of the casino for gypping you. And I sincerely hope you don't win any more of the free money up for grabs in the remaining weeks of this contest, for we would hate to have to gyp you again. I can only suggest that you stop turning in your picks each week. That way, if you don't play, we can't gyp you any more.

EMPLOYEE: (realizing that she's out of line, but unable to keep from muttering about the injustice of the world) But only $300 for 12-0...

///

Then there's the guy who won the Royal Flush trophy.

Tourist in a $1-5 stud game makes a Royal, and immediately wants to know, "What do I win?"

Most of the players laugh and tell him, "You win the pot, and that's it."

Mr Royal is upset. He's pretty sure he's supposed to win something.

Dealer calls the floor over, and asks if the house has anything for a player who just made a Royal.

"Absolutely!" says the excited supervisor. "I'll go get it."

Most of us are expecting the old "Cigarette Lighter/Money Clip, with the casino's logo on it!", which is just a rubber band wrapped around a book of matches ("Good for 20 lights!"). That's one of the oldest jokes in B&M poker.

So we were surprised when the floorman arrived at the table with a trophy. It was a nice trophy, about a foot high. The inscription said, "I made a Royal Flush at the XXX casino in Las Vegas". Everyone agreed that this was indeed a fine prize.

Everyone, that is, except the player who won it. "Yeah, that's funny. But seriously, where's my money?"

What money?

"The $1000."

The man earnestly believed that making a Royal had earned him a $1000 bonus prize, because "That's what the video poker machines pay!" He wasn't kidding, he was hot that we were screwing him out of his $1000.

This was on Friday afternoon. This guy played in this room all night Friday, all day and night Saturday, and all day and night Sunday. He told every single player who sat down at his table about how this casino had screwed him out of his $1000.