[eof]

I was raised 'christian' (went to lame church and had to tithe my allowance), became an outspoken atheist/materialist converting MANY baptists (i was moved to the bible belt in high school which turned me into an atheist) to atheism, and now I am not really interested/spiritual.

I don't really know what did it, there was no moment when I was like AHA! God! But its very clear to me the world isn't just cold material. I have direct experience of the 'holiness' (multi-dimensionality?) of my existence. I also have constant direct experience of my free will.

I am and always have been confounded by those who don't believe in free will. At the very minimum i can manipulate my mind a twinge.. which is free will enough to prove there is more than none. Granted, i cannot prove it to anyone else but it seems they ought to be able to do it themselves.

I cannot convince anyone that there is 'something' about our existence that is beyond the cold existence that is accepted by most lay-atheists, but it seems so counter intuitive that there is no free will.

As a side note I would happily wager an agreed upon amount that any atheist that follows a strict regiment of clean eating, occasional psychedelics (negotiable), meditation, and yoga would 'find god' or at least notice something else going on.