[Dear Abby]

Dear "ITILTEZ,"

Unfortunately, I suspect that your younger sister is, in fact, the culprit here. This presents a significant conundrum, because she lacks the means to make things right, being too young for employment and thus having no means to pay you back.

I'm afraid the only real solution here will be for you to sell your sister into sexual slavery in Thailand. Perhaps it will be small comfort to her that she has already purchased the appropriate wardrobe with her ill-gotten gains, the little whore.

Hope this helps,
Abby