From the middle of August to my lowest point in the demon hellride month of October (-33k, worst month ever) I was stuck 75k or so. And now I am unstuck, mostly thanks to grinding 5/10 6m NLHE on FTP and luckboxing my way into the top 3 in various large donkaments in the past 10 days. I would like to thank all the people who tried to bolster my confidence over the last few months, impossible as that may have been. I would also like to apologize for all the whining I have done to anyone about this. And there has been quite a bit of that!
Anyway, the other day I made a decision to be confident in myself to the point of arrogance, rather than being self-effacing and humble to the point where I actually started to believe I could not beat donkaments or MSNL. I used to make jokes about being bad at poker, or playing horribly, that in my mind began to have more than a kernel of truth. Resolving not to beat myself up over every mistake I made was an important step; I am not quite there yet with letting past hands I played badly go, but I am no longer pillorying myself to the point where I sabotage myself and my game. This is sounding really gay, but it's a good feeling, being confident and believing in myself, rather than the opposite.
...I guess until the next 75k downswing.
To sum it up:
Brag: Lifetime earnings peak! (I am almost certain of this).
Extra Brag: Graph doesn't include a large staking score (mid 5 fig at least).
Beat: Only got 3rd in the 'stars 1k tonight by running really bad 3-handed. 1st would've been 40k more and would've made November my first 100k month without a monster staking score.
Variance: Gonna go play a bunch of live tournaments in Vegas, so I can either run/play bad like I normally do live and start a new downswing or run/play good like I have been lately. I need close to a 6-fig score to get unstuck for the year in live MTTs, and I'm thinking I'll do it.
Obligatory graph:
