[Indiana]

I've always loved this forum for its great ideas so I thought I'd open up here and see what ideas could be here for my situation. Allow me to give a very brief account of my poker career. First of all I am a 31 yr old male from the bay area and Im a scientist in the biotech industry over at biotech bay. Many of the guys in this forum know me as a very good poker player who has swingy emotions based on whether or not im having a big winning month in poker. I've been playing poker for 4 years and I must admit that its been very hard to hold down a successful career for that time and at the same time juggle a poker career on the side (~20 hrs/week) and keep a wife and family happy. I pretty much work all the time. Over the past 4 years I have made a decent 6-figure return on my poker winnings but I have much much bigger expectations for myself over the next 4 years. I've played 2 televised events at the WSOP and WPT and I have been successful in many types of games.

So that's my background, here's my problem. I am basically a serious poker addict. It started about 2 yrs ago when I started consuming myself in this game. It began when I started skipping parties, lying to my friends and telling them that I didnt feel well so that I could stay home and grind it out in the sunday million or whatever. It then evolved into me playing poker all the time and even sneaking out to play when I was supposed to be doing other stuff. Last week I had a business trip in Boston and I pretty much grinded 24-7 around my business meetings and even showed up bloodshot eyes and all to drag through my meetings, then back upstairs to grind online in my room. Rather than going out to enjoy that amazing city, i stayed in my room all week and ordered room service so that I didnt miss any games and i could grind all day. By the end of the week I could barely get myself back to the airport to fly back to california. I honestly felt that if i didnt get out that morning then i could die in my hotel room. i was only sleeping like 2 hrs a night, and getting weaker and weaker. I am a sick mother [censored] I know.

So here's the biggest problem of all. I am a winning player, and I've grown dependent on this poker income over time to pay the huge taxes and mortgages of northern cali and I need this game to provide me with the intellectual challenge that I cannot get from my career. BUT I basically need to play this game in moderation and learn to control my gambling addiction and not let my emotions drag me through the dirt when I lose. I cannot stand losing at poker, and it completely owns my mood and emotions when I lose.

I would never walk away from poker, but I seek to play this game in moderation and not to let my emotions control me when I am losing. Is it possible for a guy like me to have a healthy relationship with this game ? Must I really be this obsessed with the game to be successful? Will I ever push myself to hang out with friends again or not?