[icheckcallu]

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I'm no psychologist, so I apologize if I'm way off here.

It sounds to me like you have some sort of need to be in control of situations, and when things happen that you can't control you respond with rage against the physical things you can actually bend to your will.

Did you have super strict or overbearing parents or experience bullying when you were younger? Anything like that which could cause you to feel so powerless and have such a need to vent your frustrations physically and tangibly against your physical environment?

I don't know what to tell you honestly, except to say that your behavior is definitely not normal. Lots of people feel the rage and anger you are talking about - that's part of life and certainly part of poker for some - but being unable to control such destructive impulses strikes me as indicative of a serious emotional problem. Talking to a professional really could help you work out whatever is causing it and learn to deal w/ frustration better.

Good luck.

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this is so on point regarding my anger issues. My dad was just a big bully who controlled my every move. I remember one time he beat me up because I went home at 10pm on a friday night and I was 16 years old. He also had some control issue like forcing you to do stuff. I felt like a maid when I was living at my parents home. Im now having probably a mild-to sever depression because of this. I dont know how to deal with it. I have aches and pains which is a tell tale sign of drepression and I can become bipolar in a snap.

any good suggestion on how I can let this memories forgiven? My dad and I get along fine now but then again I dont live with them anymore.