[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
Can I change the topic for a minute? I'm having work problems.

I'm dreading going into work today. There's this guy who is giving me a hard time. He's decided to comment on everything I say, even my tone of voice. I could make a comment on the donuts and he lashes out at me. It's become bizarre. Once he told me he was going to punch me in the face if I didn't sit back down in my seat. It was truly out in left field seeing as how he is my friend. We were never enemies.

Friday he scolded me in front of all our coworkers for my "attitude". It was the most frustrating situation because he butted in where he wasn't needed and then had the nerve to comment on my tone of voice with another manager. He was serious too. I was like "are you kidding?" He goes "no I am not kidding."

I mean up until Friday this guy was my friend. Everyone comments on how well he and I work together. We've gone out socially and even been to each other's homes. We've been paired up to work evenings together because we get along so great. He tried to make up for his poor behavior late in the day but I was pretty depressed about it. Why would a guy who is 8 years younger than me become increasingly aggressive?

Btw, he's extremely obnoxious to his wife. He's almost a bully. Personally I can't stand to listen to him on the phone. It makes me cringe.

Any advice on how to handle a coworker like this? Talking to him about it makes him go all red in the face.

[/ QUOTE ]

First of all, you shouldn't for an instant let this guy talk this way to you, especially in front of co-workers. Basically, he has instantly lost an expensive lawsuit for his company. You could walk away with $25,000 easily for his threat. Don't worry, they wouldn't fight it. Their insurance company wouldn't let them, because the insurance company doesn't want to pay $100,000. P.S.: Make a trip to the doctor to seal the deal on your emotional trauma, if you like. But it's not necessary. You have already won any action you hope to bring up. This is even more the case because this was done in front of other managers and not immediately and firmly corrected by them. EVERYONE is guilty now of creating and sustaining the environment, or at least can be said to be so successfully.

Also, you should in no uncertain terms, but calmly no matter what his response, tell him that you will not accept one more word like that from him, nor comments that have anything to do with anything not specifically job-related. Your "attitude" is something that, for work purposes, he can shove up his butt. Make him name specifically what it is that you did wrong and then specifically how it affected the work project or work environment. If he can't do that, he's blowing smoke up your ass and venting, which you have every right not only to ignore but to file a complaint with the company about. A letter can get given to his bosses and to the personnel department outlining in clear terms that you will neither give any further respect to nor listen to at all a manager who is simply taking out pointless aggression on you.

Katie, I don't know how you got yourself in his eye as on the same level as his wife, where he can just spew at you. He must figure you think you have to take it, and I'm amazed to see that you think he's right. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE IT.

Always keep the upper hand as far as being calm and professional. It will show him up. It can hurt his chances for promotion. It can even get him fired. But you cannot protect yourself if you do not a damn thing to protect yourself. You have to take a risk and open your mouth.

By the way, some people are evil. Stand up and they will try to smash you down. Start documenting everything you do. Leave a clear paper trail, and write up memos of things you are assigned and distribute them to the people in charge, keeping a copy for yourself. This way you cannot be accused of not working on the right project, or doing the wrong things or doing them the wrong way, because your superiors themselves will be provably alerted to what you are doing. I can't tell you how many evil office tricksters have been thwarted by my doing exactly that. Once people see that you are documenting their discussions and orders, they will be painted into a corner when it comes to claiming untrue things.

And try they very likely shall. There's a sickness in some offices. It looks like someone is trying to infect you with it. You have to make it clear that you are completely off limits for that kind of thing. But closing your eyes and pretending it's not happening, or hoping that it will go away, is not going to work. You must take an active stand.

You can take it smoothly, calmly, and professionally. But you had better take it and then fight back, or better find another job. Because once you're on one guy's sh*t list, he will disparage you to everyone and after enough time, especially if he sets you up and sabotages an assignment or two for you, the sheer repetition alone will break people down and get you on *their* sh*t list too. This is what happens to people who hope things will just go away. If you do not establish that you are a force to be reckoned with, you will be in a tailspin and that downward spiral will see you out the door one way or the other, sooner or later. And you won't go out relatively whole and with an intact career, as you have it now. You'll go out broken, regarding your career, your emotions or both. If you have to go out at all, ask yourself, Do you want to go out whole, or broken? Because you do not prevent your destruction by not speaking up now. You guarantee it eventually.

So you have to decide whether you want to fight or quit. Because not fighting, and staying, is career and emotional suicide and far too stupid for anyone with an ounce of self-respect.

Remember, you are the good guy here. Don't surrender that as if it -- and you yourself -- had no value. Certainly nobody at work should be granted the power to put you in a death spiral.

This problem should have been chopped off at the knees the instant it started.