[youtalkfunny]

A young lady at work was showing off her new tattoo.

I turned to the nearest co-worker, as straight-laced conservative guy as you've ever met, and I say, "Anyone who gets a tattoo is an idiot."

He replied, "Have I ever shown you my tattoo?"

(Fortunately, he knew I was prone to hyperbole, so he let it slide. I still felt about six inches high.)

///

In high school, I got a small part in the senior class play.

A girl named Liz was cast in the second-biggest female part, but she really struggled the first couple of weeks of rehearsal. She just wasn't very good at this.

I swing by the auditorium on a day where I'm not needed at rehearsal. I just dropped by to see some friends. Some kids are on the stage rehearsing, but a different girl is playing Liz's part. Liz is sitting in the front row, with other kids who are waiting for their scenes to be rehearsed.

"Hey Liz, why is Karen up there doing your part?"

Yes, I was that dumb.

Liz ran from the theater, crying. Everyone who heard the "exchange" looked at me in horror.

I had no excuse. Still don't.