Scene: New York City Subway, Fourth Avenue Local Train, 11 PM
Cast:
TONY PALADINO: Local degenerate
17 YEAR OLD BITCH: Inconsiderate Whore
PERTURBED YUPPIE: Possibly homosexual
ANGRY PUERTO RICAN: Fiery Latino
CONDUCTOR: Not George Carlin or Ringo Starr.
CROWD: About 30 random New Yorkers.
Train approaches DeKalb Ave Station with TONY PALADINO and ANGRY PUERTO RICAN on board. TONY is sitting reading “Catcher in the Rye”. At DeKalb Ave 17 YEAR OLD BITCH and PERTURBED YUPPIE board the train. Seating is according to the following diagram:
BITCH takes out cell phone and starts playing with ringtones. As TONY glares at BITCH sitting about a foot away from him, BITCH alternates plays the opening score to “Overnight Celebrity” and some Spanish song over and over again at a very high volume. YUPPIE turns to BITCH.
<YUPPIE>
Could you turn that off, please?
BITCH continues to play ringtones. YUPPIE repeats request, and BITCH continues to ignore her. TONY continues to glare at BITCH.
<CONDUCTOR>
Ladies and Gentlemen, due to track work this train…….
CONDUCTOR’s announcement is drowned out by BITCH’s ringtones.
<ANGRY PUERTO RICAN>
Hey! Shut that thing off so we can hear!
<YUPPIE>
Yeah, turn it down.
TONY continues to glare at BITCH as she ignores ANGRY and YUPPIE.
Train slowly pulls into Atlantic Ave/Pacific Street Station. TONY calmly puts on his jacket and places his book in his pocket. TONY rises, grabs BITCH’s cell phone, and pulls it from her hand. BITCH looks up in shock as TONY snaps phone in half and throws it to the ground. Phone shatters into several pieces, and even though it is at this point unnecessary TONY stomps foot down on the largest piece, crushing it further. At this point ANGRY and three or four members of the CROWD start clapping. Train stops and the doors open, TONY walks to the door and turns to BITCH.
<TONY>
Did you learn something today?
BITCH looks on in shock.
<ANGRY> (Still clapping, and obviously overjoyed)
Alright Poppy!!!
TONY exits train, goes upstairs and enjoys a cigarette as he walks home, satisfied that he’s done his good deed for the day.