[katyseagull]

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It sounds like your issue with your dad hinges substantially on abandonment, not divorce. Divorce doesn't have to be abandonment at all. Why do you feel your dad walked away from your sisters, rather than simply got a divorce?



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I feel my dad walked away because he literally "walked away". He left the home and never moved back in. He left his children with endless days and nights and weeks and years of having no father in the home. He basically re-negotiated his contract with us to where he got 11 months out of the year to run around with women and begin a new life while my mom took the burden of raising us.


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Anyway, to answer the OP's question -

Yes, children can benefit from a loveless marriage but as Blarg, Knowledge and Dom point out, the negative effects can outweigh the benefits.

Here's what I see as the benefits to the kids if the parents stick it out though:

- having both parents in the home gives a balance to the kid's life. For me, I would have loved to have had a father in the house. I think all kids deserve to have a father figure in their life. My father would have intervened when my mom got weird and would have provided us a richness to our life that we didn't have without him.

- Financial security is increased. Not having to deal with a stressed out custodial parent who is always worried about monthly bills.

- Not having step parents introduced into the children's lives. This is really tricky and adds so much stress and confusion that it's unreal.

- Having 2 parents around is better than one. They are more effective with discipline and can spell each other when one gets tired or stressed out. The conflicts that I saw with my mom and one of my sisters would have been greatly reduced if my dad had been in the home.

I'm sure I could go on. These are just benefits I thought of off the top of my head.



I've known a couple of friends who have contemplated divorce. In most of these cases I think they are being overly emotional and reactionary. If they would calm down and take some time they would have a change of heart. Women especially seem to think the grass is greener and that they will be better off without the "jerk", when from my perspective they might not be better off at all.