[NUTZ IN YA MOUTH]

I’m at the Bike, indulging in some no limit action. Table was pretty dull, and to spice it up, myself and the four seat were downing Long Island Iced Teas like they’re water. (I don’t recommend this to anyone.)

All of a sudden, Prahlad Friedman walks by my table. I nudge the four seat and start rapping: “Poker is fun, for ev-ry one, except donks like Prahlad, he’s a f**king donk!” Prahlad hears this and spins around.

“What did you just say?” he asks me.
“I think you heard me loud and clear,” I shot back.
“You know, we can settle this man to man. Why don’t you come play me heads up and..”
“Look, Prahlad,” I interrupted him. “In the past week I’ve played heads up grudge matches with Texas Dolly and Steve Donkaman. To be honest, I’m sick of them. I’ve got a better idea.”

I suggest to Prahlad a heads up rap battle, after watching him “rap” on TV. He obliges, and we drive to an underground rap club in South Central that I frequent. Prahlad looked scared, but went in anyway.

We get up on stage. A coin is flipped and Prahlad raps first. It was pretty lame, he received a mixture of boos and cheers. Then I took the stage:

So, “Spirit Rock”,
You think you can rap?
You’re no Vanilla Ice
And your poker game is whack

Saw you at the World Series
How about that hand with Jamie Gold?
He told you his ass was bluffing
And still you fold, fold, fold

You’re horrible at poker
Gonna show you what I’m all about
And soon enough you’ll be cryin
When these NUTZ NUTZ NUTZ are in ya mouth!

The crowd rushed the stage and started cheering wildly. Prahlad knew he was defeated. “Looks like we both know who the king of Poker Rap is, Prahlad!” I said while being mobbed by the crowd. He ducked out the back door, embarassed. Can’t wait until I see him in a card room again.