[BPA234]

Sorry, I didn't know you uploaded the text until today. I am up to CH 4. So far, I think the story is interesting and BIG. I like it a lot and I am not a fan of the genre.

From a constructive criticism perspective, I have a few thoughts/opinions:

1. The overall form and style reminds me, in a way, of Michener; a good thing. I know some people may object to the style. But, if done well, I think it's great.

With that in mind, I think that the scientific descriptions and language could be even more elevated and involved. Almost seems like the author is holding back.

2. Ironically, the next point could be confused with the first suggestion. Some of the descriptions and are overly complex. This is not in relation to the subject matter. Rather, it relates to the sentence structure and the overload that, at times, occurs therein.

3. Editing. I think the story and writing could really use a solid pass by a good editor. There are small technique issues that detract from the story. For example, a simile with an NBA player has no place in the described setting.

With regard to editing the story, I think that a good editor could help tighten up the whole effort. With a story this deep and big, you really need an outside observer to help maintain focus, momentum and continuity.

I am looking forward to finishing.

Thanks!