[Mike Haven]

I shouldn't have said anything. My humble apologies.

I'm afraid I have never been able to tell anyone the rudest word in the world since that terrible day in the chicken-shed that is seared into my brain like when you stub out a cigarette on the instep of your foot when you're drunk and in someone's house who only has a brand new white fluffy carpet and no ashtrays.

In some ways it has spoiled my life, because it's hard to get into intelligent discussion, say, about the benefits and detriments of having profanity filters when you know that if you censored the rudest word in the world, which, thankfully, very few people know, it would leak out and spread around the world like wildfire and, to many, would become just another expletive to use casually, like [censored], or [censored], yet still make you wince every time you heard it; like I am wincing now because my mind is repeating it over and over to me in my head and I can't stop it.

I don't want the same to happen to you or anyone else.

Could we change the subject, please?