[NT!]

eddie,

i work in the child welfare field and was just at an industry conference on friday. i attended a workshop about kinship care vs. regular foster care, and the relative success of each.

what you did for your sister's kids has helped them a great deal, even though they are struggling right now. statistically speaking, kids who are placed in kinship foster care have a much, much better chance of avoiding adverse behavioral outcomes and other problems down the line. what's more, kids who go into kinship care early on (i.e. don't have to wait in a regular foster home while a relative is petitioning for custody) have even better outcomes.

statistics don't really matter to an individual - what really matters to you is the outcome for your nephews and your sister. but i thought you might like to know this.

depending on the state you live in, you may be eligible for foster parent benefits that you aren't receiving. the kids are almost certainly eligible for some counseling, supportive services or other benefits. i don't know what you are receiving or what they're getting in the way of services, but look into this, and don't just take the word of somebody from the state office - they often fail to inform you of your rights or refer you to good services. if you're in NY state i may be able to help you locate further help.

it's normal for foster kids - even kids in kinship care - to struggle. it sounds like your nephews have some positive things going in their lives, some strengths to build on, etc.

one other thing to consider - if you place the kids in foster care, your family (and your sister) will probably never get them back. for the older two, it's less of an issue because they will be aging out anyway. federal law requires that states initiate a termination of parental rights any time a child has been in foster care for 15 of the last 22 months. you may be aware of this already, but i thought you might want to know anyway. this is a crucial time period in terms of custody of your nephews.

more details would help, feel free to post in the thread or PM me.

(disclaimer - IANAL etc, use information in this thread at your own discretion and risk, i am speaking not as a professional in the field but merely as a concerned 3rd party.)