For fathers: remember when you first became a daddy?
Okay, this is one for fathers, and therefore mostly the older posters.
I've been a father for over 10 years now, 3 children. I still remember my first one's birth very vividly.
It was a Monday, late November 1995, and the evening by the time he was delivered. It was a relatively short labour, and the little guy was 2 weeks early, but still 8 and a half pounds.
He was born on 9:40pm in the evening. I remember this cos back then, X-Files was big, and run on a Monday from 9-9:50pm, and I remember thinking absently '10 minutes of the X-Files left'. I tend to think dumb things like that in intense situations.
Afterwards, he was checked over and cleaned up, and pretty strong and healthy, they gave him to me while the midwife took my wife for a bath. They left me in a little room with a dim light, sitting in an armchair, all alone with my new son.
He was so light, and he kept looking around the room, and then looking up at me, straight into my eyes. All the time, just looking straight into my eyes with his enormous, dark eyes, and then a quick look around the room. Each time he looked up, it felt like he was thinking 'this guy's okay, he'll look after me.' He was quiet and didn't cry, and 24 hours before I would have been terrified of being left alone with a little baby, but this just felt right.
It was very peaceful. Finally, about 1 or 2 am, I left them at the hospital and went home alone. Slept, went back the next day, and had to leave for an hour or two during lunch time, when I wandered into town.
As I walked in, I remember feeling scared, thinking how now there was one other being in the world that I'd actually do absolutely anything for, before I let him come to harm. I grew terrified about how destroyed I'd be if he was to die, is the bottom line, it was like a wave of panic. It was a profoundly and shockingly deep feeling, and it grew as I walked around the busy town in a sort of daze. Finally I went back, and the feeling disappeared as something powerful by the time I got back, and I felt okay again.
I don't know if many new fathers get something like this. I think each guy is probably completely different in how he reacts.
Can you remember your feelings when your first one was born? What was it like?
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