I'm still stumping for
Swingo. I know you said all previously-devised games suck, but nobody's heard of Swingo, and it's awesome.
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Named after a Naked Raygun song, Swingo is the poker game for the 21st Century, incorporating elements of 5-card draw, stud, hold-em and intentional angle-shooting. Invented (though rarely played) at the Tuesday game.
Swingo
Pot-limit played with two equal blinds.
Everyone is dealt five cards, and there is a round of betting. After the betting closes, each player places two of his cards face-down on the table. When all players have placed their hole-cards down, all players still in the hand expose the other three cards in their hand by placing them on the table face-up. These cards ("the Board") remain in play unless the hand holding them folds. There is another round of betting, starting with the best hand showing (as in stud), not taking other players' cards into account. For example, a player with two Kings on board would act first if no other player has a better hand showing, even if another player could make trips using a board card in addition to his up-cards. After the betting is closed, a final community card is dealt face-up on the table. There is a final round of betting. Players, starting with the last player to bet or raise, show their hands and declare them. The best legal declared hand wins. Declaring a hand your cards do not allow does not kill your hand, but it makes you a dick, and you have to get it right or ask for help for your next try.
A player may use any
one of the other players' exposed cards (the Board, not another player's hole cards) in his hand. More than one player may use the same Board card. Any player may use the river card in his hand. Players are not required to use any board cards or the river card to make their hands. A player must use a minimum of three cards from his original five-card hand. The best five-card hand wins.
There is some debate about whether this game should be declared or cards-speak.
Other options: Hi-Low split, split pot with a player whose board card you use to make your hand (for this version, the hands should be declared rather than cards speak, since a player may opt to play for the whole pot by declaring a hand that doesn't use an opponent's up card).
[edit: I do not know of any site that offers Swingo online]
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