[AskMeAnything]

From past experience I have determined there are several methods you can employ to almost assuredly receive head.

1. One of the other posters recommended finding the sluttiest girl out there. Great idea in theory, terrible in practice. A slutty girl might be more likely than another more conservative chick to readily give head, but I would steer you in the direction of a fat chick (at least a deuce to a deuce and a half). These girls are obviously predisposed to putting things in their mouths. Also, since they are probably having a lot less sex, you run a smaller risk of getting an STD. Which brings me to option 2.

2. Ask her to examine the interesting bump that has developed on your penis. Tell her of course that you have never seen anything like this before in your life. Lots of hyperbole is required because you really have to pique her interest. She won't be able to see it from her current vantage point, and will have to place her head somewhere near your crotch in order to get a better look. When she realizes there is not actually a bump, she will be extraordinarily relieved, and while she's down there....

3. Women are quite indecisive, but they love choices. As a last resort, you may present her with sevearl options. The dialog goes as follows:

You: "You are an incredible kisser, and this is wonderful, but do you know what would be even better?"

Her: "What's that?"

You: "Well...there are a couple of things I would love for you to do for me. It would be so incredible if you could either wash my car, make me a sandwich, or give me a great blow job."

Worst case scenario here is that you end up with a clean car or a sandwich.

Good Luck!