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Old 12-01-2007, 09:48 PM
Blarg Blarg is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2004
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Default Re: December\'s \"You\'ll Shoot Your Eye Out\" NC Chat thread

It's funny. Just about all of my friendships, I feel like I do most of the work, you know.

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I don't know if this is the case with you, but this is sometimes a bad sign. There are always some people who are more thoughtful and considerate than others, but it's not a market that it pays to monopolize.

If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, you might be better off being more choosy about your friendships and not trying to force or increase the value of anything that doesn't already work well of its own accord.

Even if you're a really great guy, there's something in many people that turns away from those who are over-solicitous. Perhaps it makes them fear that they need to rise to that level themselves, and they might not be sure if they are able to or want to. Being too nice puts people under an implied pressure to reciprocate, and it may not be one they volunteered for. It can suffocate and even confuse and anger.

Your tone and emphasis in this thread have come across as a bit needy. Neediness combined with over-solicitousness can make being around a person with those qualities, however wonderful, feel like a trap and fraught with obligations. An attitude and outlook with more of a devil-may-care feeling and a letting 'em off the hook air can be much more relaxing to be around. And it can make you seem like you have more of a life and have other things going. Paradoxically, people may value you more when you appear to value them less. And they may treat you better if you don't always subject them to the pressure of being treated quite so well.

Hello *****

Hearing from you over the past few years has been a joy in my life. I always looked forward to you and your thoughts. There is no doubt in my mind that you are a special girl, and I hope that you succeed and be happy in your life. I had a hope that I would be able to witness how your life turned out, and that the attachments that may have manifested would have matured in there proper directions.

I am no longer calling or writing. I feel that it is better for both of us to simply hold our memories as they are. I understand that you are creating a new world for yourself, and I understand that I am not able to be what I should promise.

Thank you for being a wonderful person, and a bright light in what has at times been a dark world.

With love and best of wishes:

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This is a little long and the dark world stuff sounds off point and self-pitying. The sentence about attachments and manifesting is not particularly fluid or clear. I think she already knows what your expectations might have been, anyway, so you gain nothing by reiterating them.
If you are going to write a note, I think it should be really brief and lay no blame on her for anything at all. Maybe something closer to:

Thanks for being a wonderful person and a bright light in my life. I will no longer be calling or writing, as I think our relationship has run its course, but when I think of you, the memories will be good ones. I'm glad that you are pursuing some of your dreams, and it's time for me to get started on my own. I hope we both get where we want to go and have fun getting there.

Always your friend,


Maybe that note isn't to your taste, but my basic point is that you want to keep things short and positive and make no accusations or guilt trip type things whatsoever.
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