[jmitchell42]

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Hi, dblhtink~~

I'm a 53 year old female with a passion for poker also. I understand how "addicting" it can be. But I am using that term loosely and casually in much the same manner as people might say they are so "depressed" when in actuality, they are simply feeling bluesed-out and down.

However, this does not discount the fact that there are very REAL clinical depressions and gambling addictions.

So let's set aside the tangledness for a moment of the debate on whether poker is actually "gambling" per se. Doesn't matter. It CAN be a very real form of addiction, playing poker. While I might sit at the poker tables with some other regulars and make self-deprecating remarks about "us lowlife degenerate poker addicts," and we chuckle about it, I have come to realize that there truly ARE some unfortunate people who are very much caught up in the throes of a poker addiction. While I am not sadistically "targeting" any specific individuals, I do make money from them, as I do from the hotshots who sit down and in their self-introductions, brag how they are so good.

It's a weird thing, this "addiction" process. How do you determine if something that you are so tuned into and just ENJOY so much, is it simply a wonderful, exciting PASSION or is it something nagging at you that might be the beginning indications of a PROBLEM?

It may be that you're flip-flopping in your mind during this period of time, thinking sometimes that maybe you need to chill out (as you've expressed in your initial post here) and at other times, thinking that it's not so bad, after all.

And you know, it is possible that both are true. I don't know you, I don't know your personality style and individual characteristics. Perhaps you are the type of person who does throw himself head-over-heels into various projects and interests and this current poker fascination is quite typical of your approach to other activities in the past.

There are so many subtleties to a poker addiction, however. One of which is the online poker thing which is what it seems has so captivated you. So there's the draw of the poker thing itself but there's the additional "stickiness" for lack of a better term of the actual computer gaming experience which in and of itself can be "addicting" to a degree. I mean, people got hooked on DR. MARIO games, playing for hours and hours and hours, seemingly unable to stop. If you research the literature, you will find many case studies on similar things.

So there's something about the "draw" and "lure" of the online poker experience. Then you really do just dig poker. Well, then there's the money thing also. While you're not at the level of making your college tuition, nevertheless, you ARE winning some bucks. So there's also the enticement of the greed factor and the thought of perhaps getting really GOOD at this game.

You say you've been playing for about a year during all your free time and that you keep detailed records. How many hours have you played in a year? How does this fit into your life? Do you lose sleep or wake up in the middle of the night and play? Turn down opportunities to do other things that you would otherwise normally have done but didn't want to be away from online poker in order to do it?

You can probably Google search to get a list of the "warning signs" of gambling addiction.

Some of the htings you say which sound like there might be trouble include the statement that it has been affecting your college work and time with your fiancee. The statement that you "love money too much" might just be an expression but it also sets off a warning flag. The thing you speak about, the "excitement of the fix" is a well known phenonomen (arrrggh, can't spell it) of addiction. Not only in substance abuse/chemical addiction but in what are known as "process" addictions, of which gambling, or poker playing can certainly be. Shoplifting or even simply shopping, is also another example where the "high" of the "fix" comes into play. The fact that you state you don't think you COULD quit is also troubling.

Here's my "advice." See if there are any Gamblers Anonymous meetings in your area. During the one month period of time during which you VOLUNTARILY attempt to cold turkey off poker playing, go to some of these meetings-- a LOT of these meetings. Not necessarily to introduce yourself as an addict. But to listen to other people's stories.

Sure, there's likely to be some old farts sitting around, people who lost jobs, homes, families, etc. and all sorts of people to whom you cannot relate. But don't go there looking for the differences. Go with an open mind. Listen and look for the similarities. See if anything anyone says strikes a chord and resonates with you.

If there's no GA meetings in your area, call an 800 number and talk to folks there. Or try some other 12 step support group-- they all have meetings some of which are closed and some of which are open. "Closed" meetings mean you have ot be one to go there-- for example, only alcoholics go to AA closed meetings. But anyone can attend an AA open meeting and that's where nurses, or therapists or neighbors or journalists or whomever is curious can attend. And there are STEP meetings where people work on practicing a program and there are SPEAKER meetings. You want to listen to other people's stories by going to SPEAKER meetings. DOn't laugh but perhaps some SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS meetings might be helpful. These are people with PROCESS addictions also and you'd be surprised how often you could listen to someone talk who perhaps is obsessed with porn and jerking off dozens of times a day and substitute playing poker in your mind and find that the types of difficulties in the addictions are very similar.

You don't have to decide if you're a poker playing addict or how well that label fits or doesn't fit. You just want to find out whether you might have a problem. If you are UNABLE to VOLUNTARILY refrain from ANY poker playing for an entire month cold turkey then it's not definite but very highly likely that there's something there in the "addiction" arena.

If you do manage to "keep clean" so to speak for a month that doesn't mean you're "home free" as many people can "white knuckle" their way through a withdrawal and sustain a brief absence from their primary drug of choice.

See what happens when you go back, after having set clear guidelines for yourself on limits in hours per day/days per week as well as monetary boundaries.

This is a very long post. Most of the posts I will ever make in any of these forums probably will be. So I don't need to hear all the TL-DR comments which I will likely get from others.

Just trying to offer you some feedback on how things seem to me. If there's anything in here which helps, that's great. If not, well then, just take what you can use and leave the rest alone.

Best wishes to you and please post back in a couple of weeks and let us know how it's going for you and what you've decided.

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great post! i thinks a lot of people could use some sage advise like this.