[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
X-Factor, You raise one hell of a question. It may be one without any real concrete true answer. It may be something that is completely different for two different people.

I really like Dom's answer with the possible exception of this part.
[ QUOTE ]
People in love are considerate of one another, and make concessions for one another's views and desires...but don't confuse consideration for "sacrifice." If you feel like you are sacrifcing something by being with someone, you are not truly in love.

The difference is a desire to make concessions and work at it with love, and not a "that bitch won't let me buy the motorcycle I want" style of resentment

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe it's just my personal definition of sacrifice but I think love involves all kinds of sacrifice. I think I sacrifice a lot of things that I would like to do or have because of my love for my wife and family. I think it is a part of love that puts another person's interests before your own and that you willingly make sacrifices for that person. Of course I could be completely wrong

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree on the sacrifice thing. Dom was a little idealistic when he said you shouldn't really feel it as sacrifice, but sometimes, hey, it is! And that's okay. It's not a bad thing to feel that doing something for your partner really sucks once in a while and maybe you even despise doing that thing. It's not important to deny reality or imagine it as something other than it is. You just need to accept it and realize the sacrifice is worthwhile. And if it's really a good relationship, that your partner would do the same for you -- maybe has before already anyway, probably will again, too. If you always expect a state of bliss, you will spend most of your life very disappointed and also a little crazy and unbearable. We should be prepared to go a little out of our way without too much resentment, is all, on the one hand, and on the other, our partners should value this and not take it for granted, or what we do for them will feel like a waste. Also, nobody should overburden another. Someone's sacrifices should cease if we start looking at them as opportunities and getting greedy.

[/ QUOTE ]

i think we're just talking semantics now. If you "sacrifice" an opportunity to, for example, sail on the Calypso with Cousteau and that's your dream, just in order to be with someone, I really do think that will poison your relationship down the road. You'll regret not going and you'll start to resent the other person for "making" you turn it down.

Concessions are one thing...sacrifices are something else entirely.

Example:

I don't think it's a sacrifice if you're in love with a girl who becomes pregnant, and you choose to marry her and raise that child instead of, say, going off to Hollywood to try and be an actor.

You're making a choice between two things you want to do...but you can't do both. We make those kind of choices everyday and I don't think of them as sacrifices.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree that we are pretty much talking semantics.

But, I am not sure I see the difference between the two examples you give. I actually see them both as sacrifices. The person is giving up something they want to do, ergo making a sacrifice in either case. The only difference is that in the second example three is another person, a child, involved.

[/ QUOTE ]

the difference is, in the first one you are probably making the decision out of fear of losing the other person, and not out of a true commitment...you're giving up something tangible for an unknown future with some girl...

in the second one, you're making a mature decision about what you want...a family life - or to follow your acting dream - and that dream is hardly tangible.

I didn't really explain it all that well, but lets just say there's a big difference WHY you're making certain decisions, you know? And if you feel like you're losing out by "sacrificing" something important to you by being with another person, you're with the wrong person.

I guess that's my point. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]