[ElSapo]

Gonores: (btw, it's odd answering this question given how close I always thought your name was to an STD).

I'll cop to thinking I know some of the reasons some of my actions in some of my past have been driven by sex. Frankly, I'm not sure I want to really discuss to much of it on the internet, but...

...I certainly went through a stretch where I'd bang anything that would get in the cab with me. And I dated a lot of girls for predictable and limited stretches of time, after which I'd move to the next for no real reason.

Aside from being normal, aside from just having a healthy sex drive, aside from the girls I dated not being right for me...

...Aside from all that, I have to suspect the root cause is something deeper, something to do with an awkwardness in those "formative years" of middle school and high school, not fitting in, being teased, having dubious self confidence, and so on.

Finding that once I grew up a little I could make myself attractive to others, say the right things, fit in, well, a lot of this is probably some sort of tied-in insecurity still working itself out.

Now, I'm 31 years old. I've been with my girlfriend a while now, and while I'm not out in bars trying to pick up random chicks I still feel the same "could I?" in the back of my mind. That same question, that same need for validation.

I don't think it's anything to do with my girlfriend or our relationship, which I believe is solid and rewarding and unlike anything I've ever had before (and despite this post I've had previous committed, rewarding relationships). I think those questions and my prior behavior are tied into some more deep-seated lack of confidence, even though on a purely logical and intellectual level I know I can probably let that go now.

Anyway.