Rushmore, I don't disagree with what you're saying entirely or anything. I will remind you of one simple fact, in addition to my defensive response above (
). I am not Carver, nor am I flat-out brilliant with language. So, of course, I may fall victim to needing to rely on some sleight of hand (even though I still contend it is the reader's doing mostly).
Multiple entries allowed, yes. There is no way I would scrap this one after what has gone into it. The workshop forum has been incredibly useful (and much better than the one I had in creative writing class). For everything called into question, I realize that either (a) I can improve on it and make it better or (b) I am forced to consider the reason that I chose to do what I chose to do and then I gain a better understanding of my writing and what I am trying to accomplish.
Additionally, Rushmore, I just wanted to add in one quick snippet. Some of the best short fiction I have read makes the reader want to reread the story to get something they didn't get the time before. That is what I was going for, and in this case, I relied on that "a-ha moment" to try and get the reader to want to read again. So in some ways, it might be difference in what type of short story you and I find appealing that we see the "trick" idea differently.
Obbbbbbviously, we can't get it to work all the time, but ah well. Haha.