[WhoIam]

I’m going to give some of my general impressions from my first two weeks or so here. I was jet-lagged my first two days and then got knocked on my ass by strep throat for about a week after that,so my schedule hasn’t exactly been jam-packed with activities. Now epassporte has frozen my account and bank transfers leaving me temporarily broke. Of course it takes days to even get a response from them…[deleted rant about customer service]

What no one has mentioned is that it’s impossible to understand Thai people when they try to speak English. When I first got here it made me want to cry and I’m only now starting to improve my comprehension. I understood the reason for this when I saw an instructional English show on TV and couldn’t understand what the *teacher* was saying. Imagine an 8th-generation photocopy and you’ll understand why Thai English is as bad as it is.

The best way to communicate with locals is to use essentially “me Chinese” English. E.g. “You no go. You stay. I need go.” It felt a bit patronizing at first but I’ve gotten used to it.

The Thai expression for “good luck” sounds like “Chuck D,” so now whenever I’m on a heater I’ve taken to saying “Chuck D in the house.” The word for pumpkin is “f*ck thong.”

I had my first motorbike accident two days ago. I was stopped and trying to join traffic in the lane across from me and I gave it too much acceleration for such a sharp turn and wiped out. I was fine except for a tiny bruise on my hip but the bike is going to need a bit of paint before I return it. I’ve now gotten a lot more comfortable on the bike.

All of the Thais seem to think Newteabag is my dad. He’s 9 years older that me and I turn 24 on Friday. I maybe look a few years younger than I actually am, but nowhere near the point where I could be the child of a 33-year-old. Many seem to think that his gf is my mom despite the fact that I don’t look asian and have blue eyes.

All I can say about the internet so far is that it falls short of my expectations. Now let’s change the subject before I break something.

There’s a ton of hot farang jailbait in Patong.

You can get maybe 95% of the things you want in Thailand. If you want a blender or a toaster oven, for example, you can go to a western-style department store and get it. Phuket has a few western-style supermarkets that have much of what you want at prices that are probably much higher than what most Thais pay. I image these are for farang and wealthy Thais.

Some ladyboys are really easy to pick out and some are disturbingly non-obvious. For some reason many foreigners think that their entire goal in life is to dupe some farang into sleeping with them. From what I’ve seen so far, it would be difficult (but not impossible) to unknowingly end up with one. I’ve figured out that if a girl looks like it took her 3 hours to get ready, she’s probably not a girl. Funny story: a few nights ago we pass a group of several regular-looking guys with a number of shemale companions. Newteabag says out loud, “I wonder if they know they’re ladyboys.” Guy: “Yeah, we know.” Guess you had to be there.

Some women go topless on Patong beach, but it seems like their willingness to do this is inversely proportional to their youth and attractiveness.

Thai women are much hotter in person than in pictures.

At one bar I went to the most expensive beer was Guinness at 200 baht/bottle. The second most expensive…Coors.

Having a native Thai person in the house is extremely useful for sorting things out and keeps the prices down. We were warned not to talk while she was on the phone with real estate agents and potential landlords because prices increase significantly for farang for just about anything.

Does anyone have any idea where the single white chicks hang out in Patong?

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how do you like patong? I've been to phuket three times and every time i have stayed in Patong and every time I have hated it. Don't get me wrong, I like what patong has to offer but just seemed really smoggy and dunno, too much concrete for an island paradise.

Full trip report on why you chose Patong/Phuket plz. How you like it, what you do when the sun is out and when its not etc

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I just want to stress again that the location of our place is perfect. I can hop on my scooter and be at the beach or Bangla road in well under 5 minutes yet I can see and hear nothing but jungle and a few houses. Our place is roughly where my finger is on this map. [image]http://server6.theimagehosting.com/image.php?img=patong.JPG[/image]
Patong isn’t that big and the built-up part is mostly just a big rectangle as you can see on the above map. In a surprisingly sensible bit of road planning, almost all of the streets in this area are one-way, making it hard for stupid tourists (read me) to get into accidents.

We didn’t have any pressing reasons for choosing Patong. We planned to check out places in BKK, Phuket, and maybe another island before deciding. We came to Phuket first (after messing around in Bangkok for a day or two) and this was one of the places we looked at in the first day. They wanted 40k/month and were totally inflexible about this. The slow season here starts next month and most places get up to 50% cheaper and we wouldn’t accept paying the full rate. They called us that night offering us 35k and we accepted because it was everything we were looking for in the perfect location. Our lease is month-to-month so if we ever find a much better deal or get sick of Phuket we can move without any hassle. If I stay in Thailand for more than a few months I’ll probably move to Bangkok.

Things I hate about Patong are 99% of the tourists and the dozens of people trying to sell me [censored] every time I walk down the street or eat a meal.

As I said before, I haven’t had tons of time to explore Patong so remind me in a week or two and I can provide some details.

[ QUOTE ]
Enough with that, I notice WhoIam , you are paying 35k baht a month for that place. What is it like near where you are.
- Good night spots? clubs, pubs, bars etc
- Nice beach?
- Anything else making it particulary good....


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If you’re a young guy with a bit of money in your pocket, I can’t imagine a much better place than Patong. There are countless regular bars, sports bars, go-go bars, beer bars, western-style restaurants, and western-style clubs. You can get a girl for around US $60 and booze, while not as cheap as everything else in Thailand, is reasonably priced. Many of the working girls are startlingly cute, and this is coming from someone who has never been that into asian chicks.

The beach is nice and fairly crowded most of the time. There are a couple nicer and less-crowded beaches within a half-hour north/south of here.

Are you aussie? You can get VB at some of the bars and watch your weird sports if that’s what you’re into.

[ QUOTE ]
is that a standard thai kitchen?
it looks very bad

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When you can buy a full meal starting at 30 baht, you don’t have much use for a full kitchen. Some of the places we looked at had western-style kitchens but it wasn’t very important for us. What was important was that we find a place with a western-style shower—in Thailand the bathroom often is the shower.

While we don’t have a stove, we do have a urinal in the half bath. And really, what’s more important? In an amusing reversal of the standard American traveler, I complained to Newteabag’s gf that I couldn’t figure out how to use the bidet.
“No, you pee.”
“I pee in it?”
“Yeah”
“But not for washing?”
“No, no wash”
“So it’s a urinal”
“Yes”
“[censored] Awesome!”

Anyone have any idea where I can meet some non-prostitutes around here?

For the guy who PM’ed me about the 5k/month hotel, I have their business card around here somewhere and I’ll PM you when I find it. The place is in Phuket city, not Patong and you would need to enlist the help of a Thai person to get that price.