[MicroBob]

Yeah, I wouldn't be too ticked off at the dealer in this situation. Even though I think it's inappropriate I understand that she's not exactly signalling to him after every hand or something like that. She's only responding to what she was asked.

The chest-beating confrontation stuff I don't quite get either although I guess we've got some adrenilin rushing around and stuff like that both from having won a big pot and also having some guy act really d-baggy practically directly at us.
But asking, "do you have a problem with how much I tip?" is almost TRYING to turn practically nothing into something.
If he says, "no dude. whatever. tip however much you want" then it seems OP is positioned to respond, "good...then butt the hell out of my business" which is starting just as much stuff as "yes, I do" with "what the hell is your problem?"

No matter what he responds to this question OP is going to be able to run it into a more escalted situation.

Again, I do have problems with the guy asking the dealer how much he tipped. That guy is an idiot. But I think you have to learn to walk away from some of this stuff otherwise you are just going to end up getting into non-stop super-macho confrontations because there are plenty of opportunities for them if that is what you're after.

I've had guys yap at me at the table before in a semi-similar fashion and I just let it go because they're drunk and/or stupid.
Just try to take some more of their money on the next hand.

However, it should be noted that I have never played in any of the California rooms where I hear some of this stuff is a bit more common. I might find myself making threats or exchanging much more impolite language if a ruder situation presented itself.