Re: For fathers: remember when you first became a daddy?
My ability to remember details long term is virtually non existent, so to try to describe the day my son was born is impossible. I bonded with my son fairly quickly, but I was not ready to be a father, even at 32. I had very little patience at it, and my son was very colicly (sp?), and I spent many a night up at 3am walking around a screaming baby trying to comfort him, wondering what the hell I was doing in this position. My wife worked a normal 9-5, but I owned my own retail store, so could modify my hours as needed, which meant I was the one who ended up taking the baby late at night because I could sleep later. I definitely loved my baby, but I'm pretty sure I hated him at the same time when I was on another four day sprint of virtually no sleep while he puked everywhere again (he had really bad acid reflux early on).
When he hit about two, and I could really interact with him, the bonding became rediculously intense, and I can't imagine life without him now that he is four and we can actually converse beyond two word sentences and do things together. I just started teaching him how to dribble a soccer ball and basketball, and he already has tried tee ball, and is in swimming class. I think he's going to be a big sports kid. I wasn't but, he's his own (very little) man, and can go whichever way in life he wants. He's kind of whiny though, and I haven't figured out if that's just the age, or if there's a way to help him learn to approach things better that he doesn't like.
Contrastly, my daughter and I are still having problems. She turns three next weekend, and I still don't feel like I have bonded well with her. We talk, I love her a lot, but she is very frustrating because she is a very defiant little girl (my son was nowhere near as bad), and since I am the disciplinary force in the household, she has a huge perference for her mommy over me, because I am perceived as the bad guy.
We (my wife and I) have moved pretty far in trying to fix that impression, but it's still there, and we have good and bad days. Its not a joyous thought to think that I love one more than the other, but emotionally, its much easier to deal with my son than my daughter. But they're both very young, and I am more than willing to put in the work long term to make our entire family as close at it can be. My wife thinks I need more one on one time with her, but I think I don't have a lot of one on one time with my son, so I don't want to suddenly start spending time only with her. I think I just need to quality time with both of them, and make her see that I love her just as much as her brother, and I find them both to be wonderful and special (little) people.
Wow, uh, yeah, guess I felt like sharing today or something.
Ray
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