[doucy]

This [censored] is serious. I know OOT will probably think this is funny which is part of the reason I am posting it, but the ramifications from this could be pretty bad. Cliffsnotes is some gay guy tried to hook up with me and I punched him in the face as a result. Story...

For Halloween I dressed up as a gay guy. Tight blue jeans, tight pink shirt, spiked hair w gel (I never use gel so it looked pretty gay to my friends) dress shoes, fancy watch, foakley whisker sunglasses (sry not that balla but I like to pretend to be) and some super gay gold necklace. I was lookin pretty hoe-mo.

I head out with 3 of my housemates. We go to this house party that a bunch of girls on the soccer team were at. Solid party. Of course I tell everyone I am a gay guy wen they ask what I am, and eventually one of the soccer girls tells me there is a real gay guy at the party dressed up as Zeus, in a robe with a staff. I don't believe her at first but she eventually convinces me. So being drunk, I decide to go [censored] around with him.

So I walk up to him, and I open the convo with one of my favorite Seinfeld lines: "You know, I'm the one responsible for those crop circles in England." He says "excuse me?" and I immediately jump into introduction-mode with "oh hi, my name is doucy, who are you?" He told me his name was Zeus, and we exchanged a nice firm handshake. He had a nerdy voice that was slightly gayer than normal, but not overtly gay. Kinda like Peter King.

So we are talking for a while, and I am telling him how much I love my newest gucci purse when he tells me he has a 5th of jager in the kitchen. I am never one to turn down jager, even from a gay dude, so I follow him to the kitchen. We take a few shots while discussing Ten Things I Hate About You (yeah i saw it, go [censored] yourself dbags).

So after taking enough of this dude's jager I decide the hoax has gone far enough and I bid him farewell. Or so I thought. Some people were outside shotgunning so I head out to join them, and Zeus follows me. So I ask him if he would like to shotgun but he says no because he never has done it before and tonight wouldn't be a good night. [censored] pussy.

We all go back inside and Zeus offers me another jager shot. [censored] it, this dude's gonna keep giving me free liquor, I don't care what he is I'm gonna take it. I take 2 more shots and am feeling very drunk. Then I see Arenas hit a 3 as time expires to send the game into overtime, so I decide that deserves another shot. At this point I am probably the drunkest person at the party but of course I don't realize it.

Then Zeus asks me if I'd like to play some pong with him. Sure why the [censored] not. So we are playing and at some point I tell him I'm done, and I go sit down on the couch. I pass out.

Next thing I know I wake up on the floor, the sun is up, the party is over and everyone is gone... except Zeus. He is behind me, with his arm around me, and we are in the spooning position. I quickly inspect and verify I am still wearing all my clothes. He wakes up from my movement...

I say "...uh... hi."

He responds "Oh, uh, hi man."

I realize this guy has been trying to [censored] me all night, and that pisses me off. Nobody tries to penetrate doucy's pooper unless it's a hot chick milking my prostate. My first inclination is to jump up and leave, but I decide to play it cool.

"So, uh, did you like the party last night?" I ask.

He says "oh yeah, lots of fun, you?"

"Of course."

... Awkward silence.

This guy still hasn't taken his arm off of me, so I decide he needs to be taught a lesson.

"Hey Zeus, umm this might seem kind of forward, but uh, do you want to suck my dick?"

"Oh... yeah, yeah definitely."

So he starts to move around me but I stop him and say "hey, howabout we go upstairs." He says "ok sure."

So he climbs to his feet, and I jump up and [censored] haymaker his ass, direct connection to the jaw, and he falls to the floor. I start screaming "EVERYBODY COME HERE, EVERYBODY COME HERE, THIS GAY GUY JUST TRIED TO SUCK MY DICK!!!!"

2 guys who I didn't recognize dart around the corner and see me towering over Zeus, with a "wtf" look on their faces. I decide that's enough and I leave house and head back to my house to pass out alone.

A few hours later I get a knock on my door from one of my housemates. He says the gay dude was the brother of one of the people who lived in the party house, and he is considering pressing charges for the sweet haymaker I laid on him. Which sucks because that guy was trying to get on me all night, I think I have a right to punch him in the face. But I'm not a lawyer so what do I know.

I guess the moral of the story is not to mess around with gay guys because they will [censored] you one way or another.