[ama0330]

Thanks to Gelford and frosteater for the words.

I think what Im dealing with is not so much the ins and outs of running bad, these happen to everyone and I am more than capable of playing through a bad session. Im dealing more with poker as an addiction and a drain on what would otherwise be a productive existence.

When I used to crush 50nl (Im talking 9+ptbb/100) I was employed in a really well paying job which I found fulfilling and I was happy there. I had a very nice regular income and had nothing to worry about, my days were focussed on design and achievement and I felt that I was making good use of my time. I loved poker, I was obsessed with learning and threw myself into the mindgames and HH analysis with great enthusiasm.

Unfortunately the job turned bad and I had to leave. I resolved to take some time off work to get away from the corporate environment and just chill for a little bit. Unfortunately what this left me with was literally all day to do nothing but play poker. Having just moved to 100nl, and playing a lot during the day (DONT do this. Dont take on the regs.) I found myself knee deep in [censored] as I was totally outclassed. Playing about 3k hands per day and losing constantly, and tilting too hard to analyse my play, AND having nothing to distract me during the day because I was unemployed with literally NO plans, was a recipe for disaster.

So fast foward 1.5 months and here we are now. Im ready to go back to work, but Im so addicted to poker that I spend 8+ hours a day grinding, get to 2am, wonder where the day went and feel insta-depressed because I have so much stuff I could be doing to further my creative ambitions, but Poker just sucks all the time I have out of my hands. So I cashed everything out so I CAN'T play now. And just today, I've polished off my portfolio, organised a job interview for monday and got a bunch of calls for an ad I posted for a room to let. All stuff I would have done WEEKS ago were it not for my inability to get away from grinding 100nl.

Poker is an excellent slave, but a terrible master. I let it get the better of me and it was ruining me. I guess I was in the begninning stages of gambling addiction and I didn't really see it. Now that I've removed that problem from my life I'm free to get on with what I need to be doing. Before, it would be "great, Ive got a spare hour, I'll 4 table for a bit" then 8 hours would pass and I'd be a tilted, exhausted mess. I woke up thismorning to find that I have no food in the house. What the [censored]!

So I am re-exerting control. Poker is a great game but you need to keep a handle on it. Keep it caged. I am amazed that some people play for income - I could NEVER do this. All this time ive been unemployed, Ive had a pretty large sum of money in the bank which I have saved up over the years, more than enough to live income free for over a year, so I was never dependant on poker for income. But even just the thought of going through what I did in the last 2 months or so and depending on poker to pay the bills? Jesus. No way.

I'm probably not going to cash back in for another 2 weeks or so, just until I get this job locked down. During that time I'll be watching poker videos, reading the stickies, and all that jazz. Then Im going to pone 100nl, hopefully. But believe me, I've put the poker monster back in the box, and its staying there.