[Oski]

Phiphika:

It is very important that you get to why you want to be a pharmacist MUCH SOONER. You give a general intro about a life-changing event that steered you from medicine to pharmacy, but you take forever to get to the important part.

Try the following:

1. Explain why you want to be a pharmacist (your feelings, motives, how your abilities match the job, etc.);

2. Explain why you know this is the correct choice for you (you've talked to friends, had work experience, it better fits your life-style and personality, etc.);

3. Reinforce by giving personal information, work experience, etc., as "proof" of one and two. This is where you will talk about your prior goals, work, birth of daughter, and how being a pharmacist is a natural fit for you, etc.

I see that the information is already there. I would just work on the sequence. As it is, you risk having a lot of valuable information about yourself being skimmed over as the reader asks "well, what is it that made him choose to be a pharmacist?" Get the out of the way, and then reinforce your central point.