[youtalkfunny]

First time I had sex.

Met a girl in a hotel bar (yes, I was old enough to drink the first time I got laid--I was pretty goofy up until then), went up to her room. Blew my load in about five seconds. She was pretty disappointed.

Five minutes later, I was ready for Round Two. She was no longer disappointed after that.

Rounds Three, Four, Five, and Six, all between "the time the bar closed" and "sunrise", were like a porn montage. Every position you ever spent your life wondering about. It was like a test drive for me, I was trying everything I could think of.

Near the end of Round Five, the headboard started rocking with the bed, slamming against the wall. I grabbed the top with one hand, so that my fingers would stay between the headboard and the wall, which silenced things. She reached up, and pulled my hand off the headboard. I guess she wanted the folks in the next room to know she was getting slammed.

I didn't see the point of stopping to discuss it, so I shrugged and said, "Ah, [censored] it."

She immediately let out her loudest moan of the night.

"You like it when I talk dirty?", I asked, surprised (what did I know?). She nodded eagerly.

"You like the way I [censored] your [censored]?" She dug her nails in, and came right there.

Armed with that knowledge, Round Six was the best sex I've ever had. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

(Round Seven, the next morning, is a personal best that still stands to this day. Now that I'm 40, I'd call that record unbreakable.)