[Splendour]

[ QUOTE ]
I am 29y/o.

I feel like I am near death, this feeling comes from my awareness of infinity, and the relation of my finite existence to it.

I also make this same relation to the life of my son and daughter who are combined aged <3.

I believe that when I die there is nothing. I also believe that the same is true for anyone I care about, and who cares about me.

The combination above seriously depresses me. I fear death, and I think about it several times daily, with increasing regularity to the point where it is starting to become a problem.

I am developing an alcohol dependancy that interests me, as it both helps me deal with the issue, while also bringing it forward due to the physical effects of consumption.

In short I am ferociously embracing a lifestyle that will reduce the exposure to the pain I currently feel.

I know I have no right to ask for advice/help under such terms, I just thought it would make for an interesting discussion amongst you that I may gain from. Nothing would please me more than finding a 'solution', and that is obviously my motive, but I am not sure that my condition is cureable.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why don't you do some things that raise your level of happiness. Alcohol is a depressant obv but ask a doctor if you can take St John's Wort (its an herbal remedy but check with your doctor it can have drug interactions) and start exercising to stimulate your endorphins. Really focus on how great your kids are in the small progresses they make. Kids are amazing and hilarious. Go rent some comedies to watch on tv. Listen to some great music. Pursue activities that break this negative stream of consciousness you are in.
You're allowed to enjoy life while you ponder the more important questions of the universe and becoming sad and dysfunctional won't help you ponder any better or help your family either.