[Kiera]

[ QUOTE ]
As the initial panic subsided he began reassuring himself... "I'm a meter reader goddammit"...and noticed the open window on the rowhouse. With alacrity he dove through the open window, avoiding the pointing and giggling of the goddess chick. Or at least, that was his intention, but his belt loop caught on the window latch and left him hanging half in and half out of the house in an inverted V, short-sleeved City-issued shirt balooning and Sansa-belt shorts agape over his lower back as his poop slid and tumbled down his lower back and came to rest in his hair and tuck itself behind his ears and into the nostril of the biggest dog he had ever seen in his life.

The nostril, itself, was quite lovely. As nostrils go. He knew from the sound of the sneeze that he was in trouble. Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

And, just as the dog begin to howl, the door to the room sprang open, revealing the dog’s owner…….a 300 plus pound gay biker.

As he stood there speechless for the moment, the corners of his mouth turned up in a combination sneer and smile.

He just stared at our hero, still hanging upside down from the window sill, with his bare buttocks exposed, still dripping from his unfortunate circumstances.

As the biker slowly strode towards our helpless hero………he heard the bikers zipper unzip, he was simultaneously wishing that he had never seen a meter in his life and cursing Taco Bell to high heaven.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just when he thought all was lost, vomit mixed with excrement was spewing from his stupid meter reader t-shirt uniform, the giggles from behind turned into something much more disconcerting. Dang the hot chick he had a crush on had some sort of fit of humanity or something equally inexplicable. And he realized .. the biker was about to be melba toast.