[Blarg]

Hope you don't feel too bad for too long, daveT. Everybody's been there or some recognizable variation of it. It can be impossible to imagine getting past it, but almost everyone does, almost always, and you will too. Sometimes the journey sucks hard for a while, for sure.

Also,

[ QUOTE ]
It is not about her, as it is about other things, but she is a manifestation of the myriad failures that I have had over my lifetime.


[/ QUOTE ]

...don't ever get into the trap of letting one thing symbolize another. That's self-indulgence, pure torture, and an emotional death spiral if anything goes wrong, and at best unrealistic and misleading if something goes right. It's an escape from reality either way, and wastes emotional energy.

It's super hard not to think that way when depressed, though. But you have to get that kind of thought trap out of your brain as if you were hosing red ants, maggots, and ebola-laced dogpoop out from between your toes. And maybe sharks...if there were...like, these really tiny sharks...and then these sharks LIVED in the dogpoop, and...well, I think you can see where I'm going with this...